


Lost

by BethBoca



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-04-05 17:37:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19045186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BethBoca/pseuds/BethBoca
Summary: Marley and Trevor have been friends for years, practically since kids. They were inseparable. After college, she lost contact with him. Marley's newest job just might help her rekindle the times with him. Memories never get erased, but they can be lost. Sometimes they just need to be found.





	1. One

I stared at the cell phone in my hand, seeing I had two hours before my new job. I tried researching the company before hand, but it was hard to when the website kept crashing. With a big huff, I rose from my bed and danced slightly around the room. I actually didn't go to college for nothing after all. Being a graduate of the major Computer Science is very vague, but it covers so much people can see why it was only called Computer Science. Immediately, I text Liz, my best friend since I moved to Austin, Texas six months ago. The scenery and people were different from Indianapolis. Just thinking of my hometown brought back memories I didn't find appealing. Being trapped there, feeling like I couldn't achieve much in life there. If it wasn't for the encouragement from Trevor- my brain backtracked at the name. Trevor. Someone I haven't seen or heard from in years. He apparently became a big shot right after he graduated from Purdue. Not truly a big shot, but more popular for sure. Probably did something with his Aerospace Engineering degree. Whatever it was, I knew he forgot about me. Then again, I was just as at fault when it came to losing contact. That new girlfriend of his didn't help, though. He graduated high school a year before me and college was a late start for me so I barely graduated last year while he was probably done three years ago. Don't get it wrong, I missed him. Sure, it was strange on how quick we lost contact since right before we were talking every day, but... I still didn't see that as a reason to hate him. I was busy with getting into school while he was busy getting out. Either way, it was done. It wasn't meant to be. It's not like we were friends for thirteen years or anything... Losing my thought process purposefully, I walk to your closet in the small condo. Before I can get dressed, there's a knock on the front door.

"Hold on, please!" I shout while running to the door in my pajamas. Not to my surprise, Liz was standing there impatiently. After all, she was my neighbor in the condo. That's how I met her.

"How dare you not invite me over to pick out your outfit." She says with fake offense whilst pushing past me. She turns the corner to my bedroom at the same time I shut the front door. "Like, come on." I can't help but laugh before turning to see her skimming through my closet. "Oh, honey, no." She says when she sees the probable outfit I had picked out.

"Oh come on, Liz..." I walk over to the chair she threw the clothes on. "What's wrong with a blouse and pencil skirt?"

"Are you a teacher or a tech person?" I pause at her question, not wanting to tell her she had a point. She could see it in my eyes anyways. "Here." She reaches in and grabs a loose peachy tee that had tank top sleeves. It was casual. The manager I spoke to mentioned Flexible dress code. Which, I am imagining includes casual? I sigh and pull it on over my bra and torso. As soon my head is through the shirt, I am just in time to catch some black skinny jeans. Liz didn't move her head from the closet when I rolled my eyes with a playful scoff. Pulling on the jeans, I sit down on the bed and fix the feet. I can hear a fabric plop down beside me and look to see my black blazer and a pair of peach flats.

"Okay, I thought we were going for casual..."

"It's chic, girl!" Liz finally turns to look at me and smiles. "I think make-up is gonna be light and neutral."  _Thank God._ I thought as she disappeared into the bathroom. I enjoyed playing with make-up, but this was my first day on the job. I just didn't want to go all out. Liz comes back in a flash and has a pallete of eyeshadows in one hand with mascara, liquid liner, gloss and highlighter in the other. While she attempts to do my make-up as good and casual as possible, I gently pull my hair up into a cute but loose messy bun. After two minutes more, Liz pulls back and smiles. "Perfect." She gives me the eyeshadow pallete for the mirror and I take a peek.

"It looks great, Liz." I say with full support of her work. I glance at the time and see I have forty-five minutes until I start. "They want me there fifteen minutes before clock in time to get the walk around." I explain. I slip on your shoes and know that if I don't attempt to leave now, I'll get stuck in traffic of everyone else trying to get to work. "Thank you so much, babe!" I give her a quick hug as she shouts a "good luck" and I'm out the door. This isn't the first time I've left Liz alone in my house and she doesn't mind it at all of course. We trust each other. I take deep breaths as I see traffic starting to get heavier. Thankfully, I arrived thirty minutes before- just in time to avoid traffic like I predicted. This gives I prep time and I get to scope out the building. When I look around, I rethink that. _Buildings_. More than one. Wow... I'll definitely get lost here. As I stared and watched the people that entered the gate, one of them caught my eye. He looked familiar, but I honestly don't recall him other than the similar features he shared to Trevor. I shake my head and watch as he and a shorter man with a bald head laugh and walk into the main building in the front. There's no way that's him. I doubt he even left the state. Then again, I did... As I studied the buildings and company, I saw the words RoosterTeeth with the smaller words Production Studios underneath. Yeah, no. He isn't here with that kind of degree. When the fifteen minutes came up to appear in the building, I made my way to the doors, locking my vehicle.

"Can I help you?" A security guard questions. Just when I'm about to answer him, I hear my name being called by the door.

"Let her in, Carl!" A man shouts. The guard does so and I rush to the man while the gate recloses. "Great to see you on time!" As I got closer, I recognize the man as Burnie Burns, the one who interviewed me. "You ready for the tour of the office you'll be in?" I nod my head and followed the pepper haired man to a hallway with an exit door at the end. This led us to the parking lot in the center of the buildings. He stayed along the wall and went left towards lettered buildings on the side. "It's a perfect time to show you everything because the office is still opening up. You can learn how to start the day. With our top editor leaving, we can really use you." While I was rusty at editing (at least in my eyes) Burnie said I was perfect for the job at the interview.

"Thank you for the opportunity." I comment, trying to not sound awkward. "This is actually my first job out of college." He raises a surprised expression and hums.

"Well I hope you like it here." I nod in agreement as he opens the door to a building for me. I wait for him at the end of the echoing hallway with unfished wood walls on one side and black on the other. There was a room with a hallway facing window in it past the first door and I entered that room with him. "This will be the editors' office. Here is where the videos are sent after they are recorded. That's when you guys will work together to make the best content possible. This is-" One of the men shoot up immediately.

"I'm Larry, ma'am." He greets. I introduce myself in return and see Burnie shrug. "I have it from here, Burnie." The man nods and welcomes me once more before leaving the room. "So as he said, the editors work in this room specifically. I'll let you meet everyone as they come, but right now it's just me, Steffie, and Alec." He points to the two people separately and I give a small wave to each. "I'll show you the break room." Right when he passes me, I hear a loud shout from a room to the left. My eyebrows furrow and Steffie laughs lightly.

"Get used to that, sweetheart. It's inevitable." I nod at the advice and follow Larry out to the break room.

"You know," Larry starts, heading into the open break room, "we are really excited to have you here." My eyebrows furrow and he smiles small. "Let's just say you are already very welcomed. That doesn't clear up anything, I know, but still..."

"You know, Larry, you are a shifty fella." I tell him jokingly. He laughs a bit harder than I expected and nods.

"That's actually my nickname so it's perfect." He turns from the break room and back to the hall. "It's getting close to clock in time. I'll show you the rest another time." I nod and follow him back to the room.

 

***

 

It's been an hour and while its strange and awkward, I was happy with my job so far. Larry had given me an episode of what they call Play Pals to edit as practice. He told me there was already an edited version ready to be uploaded, but figured I might have a knack at finding more comical bits than he did. After getting the project, I met the other editors: Jarren, Sarah, Jacob, Kent, Andy, and Ashley. I had apparently replaced someone who had just actually switched rooms to be a main member. Supposedly, no one is allowed to speak of him. It was close to lunch time, which was the cut off time that Larry had given me. I had five more minutes to edit through, but also noticed it was nothing but them, whom I've learned were named Michael and Gavin, turning off the recording and sound before sending it over. I remove my headphones and stand from my chair before heading over to Larry and gently tapping his shoulder.

"I finished." I tell him once he removes his own headphones.

"Awesome, I'll take a look after lunch, alright?" I nod. "Go ahead and go have your own lunch." I nod once more and head out the door, taking my cell with you. As soon as the office door shut, the one beside ours opened. A man with sleeves of tattoos and scruffy hair exited the room and was startled to see me obviously by the way he was taken aback.

"Well hello there." He greets. "Are you... new? Lost?" I laugh lightly.

"I'm new but will also most likely be lost in a minute." I stick out my hand and give a formal introduction.

"Nice to meet you. Geoff. I run- well, used to run, this office of bozos." He scrunches up his face. "Have you met them?" I shake my head and he reopens the door, punching in a code to the knob. "Come on, they won't bite." As soon as the door opens, I hear someone shout "Moon Ball" and a lot of yelling along with echoing small thuds and things crashing to the ground. "Okay, they might. But don't worry." I nonetheless follow Geoff into the office and see desks placed orderly in the center of the room, a TV mounted to the wall with what looked like sound bars on the screen, and a wall full of art and weapons. Well, that's definitely something...

"Moon Ball!" Someone shouts as a ball with divots in it goes flying to the wall above a whiteboard. Geoff immediately puts his hand out and blocks my head. I can hear the hard thud from the ball and laughter from a loud man beside me. He was from the video and I recalled him as Gavin.

"No more, we have a guest!" Geoff shouts. Everyone turns their attention to me and I give a shy wave. There's one man sitting with his headphones on next to a desk in the corner. He didn't seem to acknowledge my presence. The men come up to me and greet themselves.

"Gavin." I say, pointing with a questionable tone. He nods and shakes my hand. "I edited a video right now for you and Michael." My eyes look to the curly haired man with glasses. He nods in reassurance, causing a successful smile from me.

"I'm Jack." A husky voice interrupts and I turn to see a taller man with glasses as well, but a magnificent beard of red and streaks of light red. He was wearing a baseball cap over his hair.

"Ryan." A man still sitting as his desk shouts. It sounded just like Jack but a little more monotoned. I look over to a shaggy blond head and blue eyes. He nods in my direction, in which I return. A man with a bald head stands and I immediately recognize him as the one who walked in this morning with the Trevor look-a-like.

"I'm Jeremy." I grasp his hand and shake it, zoned out slightly but still trying to focus. "Welcome." I snap back in to the focus point of him and release his hand.

"Alfredo and Matt are at lunch right now." Geoff speaks up and I glance over at the man in the corner. That has to be the one Jeremy walked in with. "Someone get him." Geoff says, following my eyes to him. Jeremy goes over and taps the man on the back. He removes his headphones and stands, coming over to the small group. Once he looks up, it hits me. It seems to hit him, too, because the man slows in his steps.

"This is Trevor." Jeremy introduces for him, not aware I already knew that.

"Hey." He finally says, breathlessly.

"Hi." I greet back quietly. "Marley..." I stuck out a hand and stared in shock. He smiles and takes it, not hesitating to pull me into a hug. I didn't hug back, unsure how I felt right now. I could hear the awkward noises the other men were making before Trevor cleared his throat and pulled away from me.

"Wait, Marely?" Jeremy questions, glancing between me and Trevor. "Like,  _the_ Marley?" Trevor's face went pale as he gave Jeremy a deadly look.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess ya'll know each other." Jack says. I nod and stare at Trevor.

"We did, yeah." My words sounded a bit colder than I wanted to show, but right now I was annoyed. Trevor could sense my tone change and hung his head slightly, already aware of what I was annoyed about. "Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to lunch." I say before rushing to exit the room. As I walked to the breakroom, my mind was racing. _Why hasn't he tried to contact me? Is that controlling girlfriend still around? And what is he doing working here?_ The questions raced but I couldn't stop them. We were best friends and as soon as he told me he had a new girl, he dropped me within a day. So yes, I was furious. "We were supposed to be friends for at least a very long time." I whisper to myself. "I guess thirteen years was long enough, huh..."

"Wow, angry on the first day?" I turn and see two men sitting in the breakroom, making me realize I wasn't alone. I cleared my throat and apologized. "Well hello, I'm Matt and this is Alfredo." Those are the two Geoff said were at lunch. "You're the new editor, Marley, right?" I nod my head and try to calm down enough to speak with them. "Take a seat, let's talk."


	2. Two

After talking to Alfredo and Matt about work and how they both were editors themselves, I felt a bit of relief. They taught me some shortcuts that would work just as well as without and yet still save me time. I thanked them and exited to the hallway, leaving them to enjoy their last few minutes of lunch without me bugging them. When I got back down the hallway for our office, I see the main office's door open and I was nervous I'd see Trevor. Instead, I saw Gavin and Jeremy, whom had been headed towards the exit. When one turned to shut the door, they saw me.

"Oh hey, Marely." Jeremy greets. "Wanna come get some Arby's?" I would actually like to eat something since I spent half my lunch chatting and didn't bring any food. I shrugged and nodded.

"I think that's cool." I reply. "I'm down." I follow the two outside and just before they get in the car after I slip in, the building's door opens again and out comes Trevor, jogging to the car I was already sat in. I was praying he was just giving them something, but as soon as he opened the backseat's door and sat beside me, I knew it wasn't in my favor.

"Oh, hey, Marley." Trevor says quietly. "S-should I not come along then?" He asks just loud enough for me to hear. I sigh and shake my head.

"I'm not in charge of you, come along." If it wasn't for me not bringing food, I would have gone back inside by now. Jeremy and Gavin slide into the front seats, Jeremy driving.

"What kind of music do you enjoy, Mar?" I was taken aback by the quick nickname and cleared my throat.

"I have a very vast liking for music. Changes with my mood." I reply. "Right now, I could do a little Breaking Benjamin." I could see a CD of Breaking Benjamin atop a Linkin Park and Slipknot CD and Jeremy smiles wide, grabbing it.

"Oh I like you." Everyone gives a soft laugh as Jeremy places the disc in the tray and the car begins to fill with Diary of Jane.

"Can I just say this particular song brings me back to my RuneScape days?" I mention with a small laugh. The others look at me like I was crazy. "What?"

"RuneScape?" Gavin asks with disgust. I make a funny face at him and nod.

"Yes?"

"That's such a lame game."

"Oh so what, World of Warcraft is too?" I joke. When everyone is quiet I frown. "You guys are wack." I earn a side smile from Trevor and suddenly feel myself burying into the Breaking Benjamin album and looking out the window. When I see the Arby's sign, I get excited. I haven't had Arby's in a year or so, meaning this was either gonna take me home or make me hate my life; Maybe both. When Jeremy pulls through the Drive-Thru, I look at the menu, picking out what I wanted. I reach into my back pocket and pull out my phone, which encased ten dollars in it. I gripped it tightly in my hand while everyone, including myself, ordered and pulled up to the window. I handed Jeremy the ten dollars.

"Use the rest as gas money. My shit was only four dollars." He was about to grab it but paused for a moment.

"Only four dollars?" He questions. I nod in the mirror. "Then keep it. You might need it later or something." I furrow my brow and shake my head.

"Please take it. I'm not good with people buying me things." He sighs and takes the money anyways, putting it in the cup holder. You let out a satisfied breath and look at the people through the Drive-Thru window. They were handing Jeremy the drinks as he exchanged the money and I grabbed mine happily. It was only a couple more minutes before we were given the food and were on the road.

"So how's the job so far?" Gavin pipes up. I shrug and sip on my drink.

"Way better than anywhere I've worked before." I tell him. "Then again, I didn't work anywhere actually using my college degree."

"That's good though, right?" Jeremy asks as I hear Breath by the same band playing through the speakers at a lower level than before.

"For sure yeah." I catch a glimpse of Trevor sitting awkwardly in his seat. I felt bad for a moment and gave into my too-nice-to-people quirk. I opened the bag of food and handed him a fry, seeing him look at it and then up at me. He seemed to have a puzzled but cautious look in his eye as I gently smiled, keeping my arm extended. He slowly took the fry and nodded a thanks towards me, eating it quickly. _Maybe I am being too hard on him..._  I thought to myself. He acted like we never stopped talking when he saw me today. I think that I should try to tone it back a bit with the annoyance.

"So Trevor," he looks to me immediately. "How long have you been working here?" He seems stunned by my question. I guess I could see why.

"Uh I think it's been four years, coming up on my fifth..." He sounded taken aback for sure. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. "Aerospace engineering didn't get me far. I'm glad Computer Science got you farther." I was now the one stunned. He actually remembered what I went to college for. I hadn't mentioned my major to anyone but Burnie. After the tiny conversation, the car ride seemed less tense and lighter.

 

***

 

The tension between Trevor and me wasn't completely gone, but it did dissipate some to make the rest of the office at ease. Jeremy and Gavin were great lunch buddies. They didn't make things more awkward even when it obviously was. I had to mentally thank them for that. I was back at my desk with a note from Larry, whom was on his lunch now, saying that we edited almost exactly the same except for maybe two scenes. In other words, I was okay at editing. For the rest of the day until three I was learning what videos go up and when and Larry told me to watch AHWU videos to get to know how the schedule works. He informed me of when the next editorial meeting was and how important it was for me to be there. With two hours left in my day, Larry offered for me to go out and explore the building to get a full round about of the area. That may have been a bad idea since I immediately got lost. I sighed, wishing there was someone i knew here to help me find my way back since I spent a good hour getting myself into this situation. I try to back track but I must have missed a turn somewhere and ended up in an office I didn't recognize. A man sat st a desk in the corner.

"Can I help you?" He asks me. I sigh and nod.

"I'm Marley, the new editor for Achievement Hunter." I introduce. "I have to admit, I'm lost here." I chuckle at the end and the man smiles.

"I'm Matt Hullum." I smile small. "I'll call up Trevor to come get you-" I immediately shake my head.

"No!" I accidentally shout. He gives me a surprised look. "I mean, I heard them recording when I left. You might wanna try Larry instead." I lie through my teeth but Matt takes it like the truth. I watch him grab his office phone and dial in a number.

"Hey it's Matt. I have one of your lost editors here. Yeah. Okay I'll have her wait then." Matt hangs up the phone and looks at me. "He's sending someone to get you since he got caught up in a video." I nod my head. "Just wait at the end of the hall to the right and you'll be found." I thank him and go to where I was instructed. I pull out my phone to check it and see I have a text from Liz.

_How's the new job?_

I quickly type back to her.

_I will have to explain more details when I get home but good._

I put away my cell and look up to see Trevor coming around the corner of the short hallway. Great...

"Hey, they sent me to get you." He says quietly. I roll my eyes.

"Of course they did." I said lowly. Trevor sighed as we began walking back to the office I belong in.

"Do you think that maybe we could talk?" I stayed quiet. "I don't know, maybe over dinner?" I glance up at him and see sadness on his face. "I just feel like I owe you a lot of explaining." He closes out. I sigh and look to my feet while I walk.

"I guess I dont see the harm in it." I reply. "You do owe me an explanation." I can see him smile from my peripheral view and can't help the little smile I try to hide myself. Then a question comes to my head. "Hey can i ask you something?" He glances to me. "Why did Jeremy know about me?" He suddenly seemed nervous and shrugged.

"Well after college I got into gaming more and I met Jeremy and Matt before we even worked here. I used to play games with Jeremy and his wife Kat and we met that way. Over time I kept talking about you and when he asked if you were still around i told him no. After that he just kind of stopped talking about you and so did I." Mixed feelings rushed over my mind. He talked about me greatly until Jeremy asked...

"We can talk about this more over dinner." I tell him. "Which will be when exactly?" He looks up in front of him, surprised.

"Oh yeah, huh. I'm free tonight?" He says. I shrug and nod.

"Tonight then."

"Yeah. Tonight." We arrive at the doors to the offices and he smiles small. "I've really missed you, Marley." The way he spoke made me feel shy. I lower my head to hide my blush.

"I gotta say, I missed you too." We part ways and enter our separate offices where I see Larry smiling wide at me. I roll my eyes with a small smile and sit at my desk.


	3. Three

When I got home Liz was already waiting for me. I had to calm her down so she wouldn't hyperventilate from excitement when I told her I was going to dinner with Trevor. She thought it was someone I had just met and already got a date with, but when I explained the situation to her she was even more excited. It was hard to keep her calm when she hot like this. But, that's also why I'm dressed like I'm on a date instead of out with a friend. I'm wearing my black halter top dress I had put away for special occasion. My hair was pinned back and braided. My make-up was natural and thin. That I at least got to choose. I can see Trevor pulling up in front of the condo and I feel my phone go off in my purse. I see Trevor's name across the top of the message telling me he arrived. We exchanged numbers before we left work for this reasoning. I waved off Liz and went outside to Trevor. He leaned against the car and smiled when he saw me. He was dressed in a black button up and slacks and dress shoes. More business than casual just like me. Glad he mentally went for that one.

"Ready?" He asks. I nod and go around the side of the car where he meets me and opens the door. I pause and sigh.

"Trevor... you don't have to do all this. We can go inside and talk if you want." He smiles small and shakes his head.

"I want to take you somewhere nice as an apology start. Please?" I give in and nod, slipping into the car. He shits the door and comes around to his own side before buckling up and looking to me, checking if I'm buckled. I o Lynn knew he was checking because he used to do that in high school, too.

"You're still doing that?" I question. He looks at me in confusion. "The whole seatbelt thing. You still check?" His cheeks tint and he clears his throat.

"Honestly, no. But I guess it's an old habit with you." I can't help but heat up now, feeling shocked by how straight his words were. Tonight was gonna be a rollercoaster. I could already tell. We were driving in silence, but it wasn't quite the uncomfortable type. Finally, I spoke.

"Go ahead and talk if you want. You don't have to wait until we eat." I say. He let's out a breath I didn't know he was holding and smiles lightly.

"Well, I would like to firstly say, I'm fucking trash." I made a surprised look and he shrugs. "I am. I didn't talk to you for stupid reasons and I see that now."

"Stupid reasons being Sheila?" I retort with annoyance. He frowns slightly.

"Yeah. That stupid reason." He coughs uncomfortably. "Anyways, I wanted to reach out to you so bad... I was just afraid you wouldn't want to even hear from me. Plus, you were halfway through your first year in college-"

"Wait, you broke up with her in my first year?" He shifts uncomfortably. "Trevor, you still didn't try to reach out after my first year. Or my second. Or hey even not my third or fourth." I could feel my anger building. "Don't you think earlier the better? Cause that's why I'm so angry right now." I cross my arms and look out the window.

"I know, but please, just listen?" I dont speak as we pull into a parking lot to the restaurant. "I'm trying to say... I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. I thought I had already lost you. Please just give me another chance to fix this and make this right?" I could hear his voice welling up in his throat. "I really can't lose you now. I need you to know that. Please..." Hearing Trevor like this reminded me of when he lost his cousin, who he was very close with, in an accident. You were there for him even when you mentally couldn't be.

"Okay." I whispered. "Right now, I'm going to try. Because honestly, I still want you around but feeling like you picked someone you had just met over me-"

"I know, I know..." There was solid regret in his voice. "Just trust me, okay?" I couldn't help myself to feeling the old feelings I had for him make their way back up. I was in love with Trevor from middle school up until the day we stopped talking. Of course, I never did anything about it because I didn't want to lose my friend over that stupid idea. We exit the car and walk closely to the restaurant. It smelled good inside and the place was as business as we were dressed. It wasnt fancy so that meant not expensive but it also wasn't casual which meant not inexpensive. A lady had greeted us and took us over to our table, giving her best customer service voice without overdoing it. We ordered drinks and were given food menus while our drink ones were taken. She left and I searched the menu for whatever I felt like having.

"Hey don't worry about paying, okay?" My eyes went wide and I glanced at Trevor.

"If you remember what I told Jeremy earlier-"

"I'm not as easy to persuade as him." He says quickly. I sigh and shake my head.

"Trevor, no. I'm paying for myself." I demand. He shakes his head and I speak again. "Collins." He looks me straight in the eye. "That's too much for a simple 'I'm sorry' don't you think?" He ponders on my words for a moment.

"Okay, then it's a welcoming dinner." I throw my head back and let out a quiet groan. "You know you won't win. I used to beat you to the punch every time in high school.  _Only because I loved you._ I think to myself. Looking at how much he cared still made me uneasy. I feel like an asshole even though this whole time I thought he was one. The lady comes back when we are ready to order our food and I settled on a half rack of ribs while Trevor went for steak. Halfway through eating, my hands were already covered by sauce. I attempted to open the wipes they gave me only to see I was getting sauce everywhere. Trevor chuckles and grabs a pack for me, opening it.

"Thanks." I mutter, taking the wet wipe. I quickly use it and clean up myself to be able to grab my drink. I sip on it and see Trevor staring at me from the corner of my eye. I immediately look to him, rubbing my face for any sauce I missed. "Did I get it?" I ask, making him focus again.

"Uh yeah." He quickly looked down to his food and away from me as much as possible. Now I was worried I did something to hurt him and didn't notice it. We hadn't really talked much like he planned.

"So you and Sheila." I start. "What happened there?" He shrugs and keeps looking at his food.

"She cheated on me with one of the professors from school." I nearly choked on my food, trying not to so I didn't cause a scene.

"Are you serious?" I ask after calming my throat. He nods and shakes his head.

"We were only dating for half of college and then two years after but whatever." Four years. Trevor wasted four years on that bitch. I make a face and he frowns. "I'm okay, I promise."

"I know you are but I hope she isn't." I comment. He arches a brow at me and I shrug. "I hope she got what she was dying for. Honestly. Cause is she had you, then she was stupid to do it." What was I saying? "I may have stopped talking to you suddenly because of her but I'm really glad you told me you wanted to. I don't feel as ditched." I let out an awkward little laugh. I guess my feelings aren't completely gone, but he isn't showing interest in me either. Trevor smiled and stared at me. Something in his eyes shined compared to earlier.

"Thank you, Marley." He whispers. "I'm really glad you're here with me." I smiled back and nodded, thinking the same thing.

"Thank you for inviting me." I say. "I enjoy this." For the rest of the dinner, we were quiet but still enjoying each other's company.

 

***

 

_"Get away from me!" I shouted. Luke just laughed and shook his head._

_"You've been making me wait for four months already, Marley." The way he spoke was so intense._

_"Luke, no!" I yell as he tries to place a hand up my shirt. "Get away from me!" Before anyone else can speak, Luke is punched square in the side of the face, falling immediately to the ground. I gasp and look at the assailant. Trevor stood there, panting and red faced._

_"She fucking said no." He growls. Luke turns to look at Trevor and laughs._

_"Once the principal hears about this you won't be graduating next month, Collins!" Luke stands and starts speed walking to the office. I shook my head and took deep breaths. Trevor pulled my arm to be in a hug and I just shook in them._

_"It's okay." I could hear him whispering lightly to me. I tried to relax as he pulled me backwards to look at me. "Are you hurt?" I hesitate with shock and finally shake my head. "Good. I would have to kill him if so." I couldn't help but let out a little laugh at that. Trevor smiles and pulls me in for another hug. "It's okay." He repeats. I finally catch my breath before I hear the principal calling for Trevor over the loud speaker._

_"Good luck." Was all I could manage out. He smiles weakly and nods before pulling away from me._

 

My daydreaming was cut short by the chime of the email I had set up for work now. I open it and see a video was sent through to edit. It's been three days working here and I've been trying to watch previous videos for reference to work. Trevor seemed a little more "dead inside" in the last few months videos compared to now. I like to tell myself I might be a part of that but I can't get carried away. I open the file and see a GTA V Let's Play from each person in the next room who recorded. I saw Ryan's, Michael's, Jack's, Jeremy's, Fiona's and Trevor's. I start adding the files to the editing program and sound captures that were sent with them. It took me a second to get it all lined up but I got it. Right before I'm about to start, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I spin to see Geoff and the rest of the room empty. I make a confused expression at him and he smiles.

"Everyone is at the company barbeque." He comments. I clear my throat and shake my head.

"Thanks but I'm good." I attempt to turn back around, but Geoff was holding the back of the chair.

"Come on." He says gently. "I haven't seen you eat in the breakroom or anywhere since you've been here." I shake my head once more.

"Thank you, Geoff. Really. I'm good." He shrugs and puts his hands up in surrender.

"Suit yourself." I hear him leave the office and I return to my editing. Sure, I was hungry and didn't bring food. Again. But I wasn't quite comfortable with the other people at the whole company yet. Also, I wanted to get my job done and I knew I was too new to be able to go to a barbeque and still be able to finish this by the end of the work day. I was clipping up the videos when a plate of food lands on my keyboard.

"Geoff-" I spin to see Trevor smiling down at me. "You are not Geoff." I say with a surprised tone. Trevor laughs lightly and takes a seat beside me with his own plate in hand.

"He told me you weren't coming out so I made you a plate." He tells me. I pause, staring at the food. Technically, I wasn't going to be stopped from working... I sigh and grab the plate, pushing my keyboard to make room. Trevor leans his elbow on the desk and watches as I take a bite of the brisket. "Why won't you come out there?" His voice was just above a whisper now. I shrugged and didn't look at him as my eyes returned to the screen.

"I'm not comfortable with leaving my work unfinished just to eat." There was a noticeable frown on his face.

"You should always eat. It's important for the brain." I could feel him tap my head at the end of his sentence and I can't help but smile.

"I thought you were an engineer not a doctor." I retort jokingly. He gave a small laugh. I quietly returned to my editing, letting the voice clips play through the speakers. Trevor looked like he was reminiscing in the video while I was thinking back to the memory I was daydreaming about. "Hey..." I pause everything and turn to Trevor. "Do you remember Luke?" My question seemed to throw him into a different mood.

"Your Junior year boyfriend?" I nod my head. "What about him?" I shrugged slightly and began to play with my fingers.

"I was just remembering the time you socked his jaw and almost didn't walk at graduation." His mood changes again and he laughs.

"Oh yeah, huh..." He shook his head slightly. "I can't believe you dated that fuck."

"I know right?"

"Remember how at graduation he tried to come in and Ciarra kicked him out of the whole property?" I nodded, laughing a bit more. "Man he really thought he could get away with doing that to you." I hung my head, biting my lip. That wasn't the first or last time Trevor has protected me from Luke. After the whole scene with groping me, Luke tried getting me to come home with him at a party. Trevor was already graduated by then so he didn't think it would be any trouble at all.

"Thank you." I whisper to him. I can see the confusion in his face.

"For what?"

"For always protecting me when I was stupid and young."

"I mean, you are still stupid and young." He laughs out. "But that's just life, right?" I stare at him and sigh quietly.

"Trevor... I mean it." I meet his eyes this time. "Thank you." He stares for just a moment longer than I think he intended and finally smiles and nods.

"You're welcome, Marley." I turn back to the plate of food and take another bite of the brisket while returning to my editing, Trevor by my side.


	4. Four

_"Dude, no way!" I gasp while gripping tightly to the gift Trevor just brought me. It was an XBox with two controllers. I placed the system down on my bed and ran to him, tackling him in a hug._   _"Thank you!" He chuckles and hugs me back._

_"Happy birthday, Mar." I pull back and run back to the bed to grab the system. That's when I realize I had no idea how to hook it up to my boxy television. Atari was easy cause it just plugs in and is ready to go. This system had a bit more wires. Trevor must have seen the distress on my face because he went to hook it up immediately after. In no time, he had it hooked up and ready to go. He handed me a disk, smiling._

_"Wanna go first?" I look at the disc in hand and smiled wide. It was Tetris. I nod happily and place the disc into the tray, seeing the system boot it up. "You have to make a profile first, sorry." He tells me once the system turns on. I nod and do as it says, making a simple profile. Once I'm done, I see the Tetris thumbnail on the screen. I tap A on the controller and get jittery when it loads up. Then a thought came into my mind; I was so focused on playing I didn't even scold Trevor for buying it._

_"Wait, how much did you pay for this?" I question. He nervously scratches the back of his neck._

_"I mean, I didn't really pay attention." I could tell he was lying and socked his arm gently but enough to nudge him. "Okay, fine... I used my first paycheck to buy it." I was shocked for sure._

_"Trevor!"_

_"See, this is why I didn't wanna tell you." He frowns. "I knew you'd get mad instead of just enjoying a gift I got you for your birthday." I sigh and throw my head back._

_"You know I said nothing big, Dork." He laughs and shrugs._

_"Well it will last you so technically it's good enough for two birthday presents?" He tells me. "I mean, I'll still get you a present next year but-" I send him a glare and he laughs before looking at the clock on my wall. "I gotta get to Taekwondo class._   _I'll be out around six and then I'll come back over and get high score on Tetris, okay?" I can't help but smile and laugh._

_"Okay... Thank you for the gift." He smiles back at me and nods, leaning over to kiss the top of my head like he always does._

_"See you later." With that, he leaves the room._

 

I still have it, if you're wondering. The Xbox. I never got rid of it or that Tetris disc. It doesn't play anything because it got the red-ring-of-death. Tetris is also really dusty and scratched up. Either way, I kept them. Memorabilia is such a strange thing.  _Love is a strange thing._ I block out my ignorant thought and continue cleaning out my closet, putting the Xbox and Tetris game to the side to place back into the closet once I'm done.

"Hey, Marley, where's the dish soap? I can't find it." Liz says, coming around the corner. "What the hell is that brick on your bed?" I glance to the bed and huff, turning to Liz.

"It's an Xbox." I comment. "Haven't you ever seen one? You're like six years older than me."

"I have but usually they are sold when they don't play. Also, is that Tetris?" Liz walks to the bed and grabs the cover as her thumb leaves a clean place in the dust. "Okay, gross." She places the damp rag she held on the cover and cleans off the dust. "Why do you even still have these pieces of junk?"

"Because they aren't junk, Liz." I say, slightly offended. "They were birthday gifts. Expensive ones at that."

"From who?" I give her a side glance, knowing she knew exactly who. "Oh, you mean your long lost best friend?" She smirked and I could feel the laugh she was hiding in her throat.

"Yes now leave me be. The dish soap is in the cabinet under the sink to the right." She lets out her bubbled laugh finally and shrugs, getting herself off the foot of my bed.

"You know, I'm a great wingman." She comments.

"If he liked me in the first place, I wouldn't need a wingman." I retort. She arches an eyebrow and shrugs while walking to the doorway.

"Men are pretty stupid and shy sometimes, Mar." I secretly take in her words as she exits the room completely. I shake my head quickly to clear my mind and sigh.

"It's not like that..." I whisper to myself. "It never was for him." I finish vacuuming and cleaning out the closet before replacing the Xbox and game into the original place they sat, the carpet flat and imprinted with the bottom of the console. I spin around and see someone leaning on the door frame, arms crossed. I glance up and almost scream, not recognizing the person at first. "What are you doing here?" I question. Geoff laughs and smiles, getting off the doorframe.

"Liz let me in." He replies, still not quite answering the question I asked. "I came to ask you something."

"It couldn't wait until work tomorrow?"

"It probably could have but I'd rather ask you today instead of the planned day." I shrug and take a seat on my bed, a bit tired from the house cleaning we have been doing.

"Well?"

"We were wondering if you'd like to cover Lindsay's position while she's on leave." I am surprised by the question and it was obvious. "She leaves for maternity leave tomorrow and she's kind of like the 'in office editor'. You could cover her position for the couple of months she wants to take and then return to the other office."

"Why don't you consider someone who has been there longer?"

"We have. Larry said to offer it to you so that way you can see how the office works better and try to see what to do in certain situations." He tells me. I shrug and scratch the back of my neck. "I know it's sudden but it would have been even more sudden tomorrow." I nod in agreement.

"Yeah I know. Uh..." I take in a big breath and close my eyes. "What are the conditions?" I ask while opening my eyes. "What are hours of operation, what to do and not do..." I trail when he looks lost. He lets it click and hums.

"Honestly, just don't interrupt videos you know you aren't supposed to. Like obvious game recordings, AHWU ads, and Between the Games meant for only certain crew..." I nod still listening to the rules. "Also, do not be late. It's crucial that you are not late because you also send all the videos for the other editors to work on." I bite my tongue and nod again. "That's pretty much it."

"I guess I could do it then, yeah." I answer truthfully. Geoff juts out a hand for me to shake. I take it firmly and he smirks.

"Then welcome aboard, Marley." By the look on his face, I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into. Once I hear the front door shut Liz sneaks into the doorway.

"Who was he?" She questions. I glance at her.

"You mean you had no idea who he was and you still let him in?" Liz laughs and shrugs.

"He was cute."

"Well he's single Trevor said." I tell her.

"Hey hook a girl up then." I roll my eyes and throw a pillow at her. "If you don't I'll find my own way don't worry." With a wink she thankfully exits. Yeah that's one of my best friends...

 

***

 

I almost walked into the wrong office this morning, it being a week now that I have worked here and yet barely got used to the office I go to. If it wasn't for Geoff coming in right after me I would have went into the other editing room. He unlocked the door for me and showed me which desk was Lindsay's. it was neatly littered with cat décor and gifts that were absolutely perfect in my eyes. I don't obsess over cats but that doesn't mean I don't like them. It was just Jack, Geoff, Jeremy, and myself right now. I guess they all knew I took the offer to cover Lindsay yesterday cause they didn't question my presence. I hear the door open and click shut again before I see Alfredo sit beside me. He was immediately caught off guard by me.

"Wait, you moved in here?" He asks.

"Temporarily. Just while Lindsay is on leave." He nods.

"Oh, cool. Desk buds then?" I laugh.

"Yeah I guess so." We both immediately work on our given projects and I have my headphones on when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I spin around to see Ryan holding out a Diet Coke. By the smirk on his face something was done to it. "I'm good, thank you though."

"Dammit, I thought she'd fall for it." I hear Michael complain. I squinted at him and got suspicious.

"What did you do to it?"

"Nothin'." He says casually with a small shrug. The smirk was still on his and Ryan's face. "I just thought you'd enjoy a nice refreshing Diet Coke."

"While I do hate Diet sodas, I would still not take it even if I liked them." At my words Ryan looked offended. "Sorry, bud. I don't like fake sugar and old soda taste." Alfredo chuckles from beside me and I watch as Gavin walks in with Trevor. Michael immediately grabs the Diet Soda and hands it to Trevor.

"What did you do to it." Trevor asks without hesitation.

"Why does everyone think I did something to it?" Michael argues.

"Because you did!" I shout, causing Gavin and Trevor to look up at me. Trevor gives a warm smile at me while Michael grabs the soda.

"Watch, I will drink it myself." Michael pulls the tab to open the soda but the one thing I noticed was there was absolutely no fizz. There needs to be carbonation. He took a heavy swig and handed it to Trevor. "Now drink it before it goes flat." Trevor rolls his eyes and takes a drink, face immediately brought up to look like he ate a lemon.

"What the fuck is in that? It was unopened!" He claims while forcing himself to swallow whatever the hell he just drank. Michael cackles as he points to the top of the can. "Is that a hole for a needle?" Michael nods with a 'yep' and Trevor stares at him. "Did you poison me?"

"I might've." He comments. "It's just heavy whiskey." I feel myself go pale and look at Michael. "Oh what, you don't drink?" My eyes leave Michael and look at Trevor, who had a knowing look on his face.

"She does but not whiskey." Trevor covers. I take a deep breath and turn back to the screen. Now I'm absolutely happy I didn't take it. There was a knot in my gut as I tried to edit my video quickly but I was unfocused. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I dig it out, checking it quickly. It was Trevor.

_I'm sorry._

I shake my head and put my phone away, trying to avoid the subject as quickly as possible. I could feel eyes on me and I knew they were nobody's but Trevor's right now. I continue editing until my eyes go blurry. I blink to fix it and feel something hit my hand. I notice it was a tear and I quickly hide my face, avoiding any eyes and mentally thanking the fact Lindsay's desk is far from anyone on my right so I can still use my right hand to edit. I was halfway through the video when suddenly, Gavin yells Moon Ball and I hear a lot of thudding. I turn to almost get hit directly in the nose with the said 'moon ball'. It barely missed my face but I felt the wind as it whirled past me.

"Okay I just about shit my pants." I call out, causing Gavin to laugh.

"Sorry, Marley." He laughs out. "Now it's my turn." He urges me on. I grab the ball he threw and examined it. It was whiffled but not hollow.

"Just chuck it above the white board." He instructs. I nod and rear back my arm.

"Moon Ball!" I shout as the ball flies from my hand and onto the wall. It immediately crashes onto Geoff's desk and knocks over a monitor before he can catch it. After that it bounces and knocks Jeremy on the head.

"Ow!" He yells out. I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh and run to help Geoff fix his monitor.

"I'm so sorry!" I immediately fix everything and Geoff is just laughing.

"You better get used to not saying sorry when something breaks in this office." I look at him in shock.

"But everything is so expensive... I will always feel bad." I reply. I then turn to Jeremy and examine his head, which was reddening. "Oh god, I'm so sorry Jeremy." I rub the spot it hit with my cold water bottle from my desk and he laughs, shooing my away.

"It's okay. Being bald must make my head a target or something. I have never gotten hurt this much when I had hair." I couldn't stifle my little nervous laugh.

"Really, though, I'm sorry. Gavin told me to do it." Geoff shakes his head.

"That's when you fucked up. Gavin is an idiot."

"Oi!" The brit shouts at us with a smile. "I mean, he's got a point." I could feel the embarrassment in my cheeks and I nodded, turning back to the desk I was using and sat down, covering my mouth in embarrassment. I was almost done with the video when I saw Ryan, Trevor, Jeremy, and Jack started recording a new video with face cameras on. I remembered Geoff's rules about not interrupting, but I really had to pee. I got up, trying to be as quiet as possible while scooting my chair backwards. I stood from the desk to turn around and as soon as I did, I landed face first into the ground. I felt my ankle touching something and looked back to see my chair had pulled a cable loose and I tripped in it. Immediately, everyone turned to look at me. I smiled awkwardly while feeling like something was tickling my cheek. I wipe at it and feel something wet. I look and see blood on my fingertips. Great. Trevor immediately stood and grabbed me, helping me up. That's when I felt the pain in my nose and ankle.

"Here, come on." He whispers while picking me up off the ground. I smile at him and wipe my nose again, sighing.

"I'm so sorry..." I tell him, my face heating up in embarrassment. "I'm so stupid..." Trevor laughs lightly and shakes his head.

"It's fine. Let's get you out of the camera, okay?" I nod and follow him to the couch, trying to hid the pain in my ankle. "Here." He grabs a tissue off Jeremy's desk and hands it to me, tilting my head up. "Which ankle is it?" I was shocked he noticed. I thought I was hiding it well. He grabs my feet and looks at both ankles, one obviously more red and swelling. He sighs and scratches his head. "Did you want to file an accident report?" I immediately shake my head.

"No no, I'll be fine. I'll just ice it and it'll be better by tomorrow." I say quickly. "I don't want to make a big deal out of something so small." He sighs and sits beside me.

"Marley, you can ask for an accident report at any time you think you're injured at work." I shake my head again. "Okay." He places a hand on my shoulder, showing reassurance and comfort in one small touch. "I have to get back to the camera. Do you need anything?" I scratch the back of my neck.

"The bathroom..." I mutter. He smiles small and stands, lifting me with him. He attempts to wrap an arm over his shoulder but I pull it away. "Trevor, no. I'm fine. I just need to go to the bathroom." I put my foot down and press my weight on my ankle, it stinging and aching immediately as expected. Because I was expecting it, it was easier to hide the pain. "I got this. Thank you, though." I cautiously walk to the door and out of it while Trevor follows close behind. He gives me directions to the restroom and I thank him, walking inside and immediately crying out in pain with a squeak in the stall. I do what I need to do and go to the sink to wash my hands before looking in the mirror. I looked like a mess. I cleaned the dried blood off my face and carefully inspected my nose. It looked just really irritated thankfully. I go to the door, pulling it open and accidentally put to much pressure on my ankle. "Shit." I whisper-shout. Within a second Trevor is over to me, refusing to allow me to fight back when he forces my arm over his shoulder.

"I know it hurts worse than you're showing on walking on it won't make it better." He sounded a bit annoyed and it made me feel awkward and bad.

"Well if it's such an annoyance for you to help me you can go. I didn't ask for you to anyways." I scoff. He ignores my words and pulls me along with him. Because he was taller than me I had to lean up a bit even when he crouched.

"I'm not annoyed with helping you." He finally says. "I'm annoyed that you won't let me." I stay quiet when we reach the office and he types in the code, swinging the door open. He places me on the couch and points a finger at me. "Don't move. I'm gonna go get ice." I sigh and give in, nodding. I see a little smile on his lips when he leaves and I know letting him help makes him feel better. I just wish that I could stop liking having him around so much. That's why I push him away...


	5. Five

My ankle was a lot better today, like I predicted. Then again, it was thanks to Trevor for getting me ice and keeping me off of it. Thankfully I didn't interrupt the video as much as I thought I did. They had just opened the programs when I fell. I walked into the office and immediately apologized to anyone and everyone for what happened yesterday. As always, they ignored it and said it was 'no big deal'. I honestly hate myself for always apologizing but it's just the way I am. I couldn't help it and I felt bad. Which also makes me apologize. Maybe it's just the way I was raised. My parents were pretty easy to anger... I bit my tongue at the thought and looked to my computer screen. There was a couple more edits to do and add but I was starting to zone out, thinking of a memory that I didn't want to play in my head.

_My breathing was hitched and I was crying heavily as I stared at the wall, trying not to scream. My chest was hurting and my face was hot. I was trying to breathe but there was nothing helping me from my thoughts right now. I finally let it go, screaming loudly. I clenched my pillow and it kept coming, making me feel like I might vomit. I hear pounding on the staircase before the door busts open and a heavy weight comes over me and my bed._

_"I'm here. I'm here." I hear the familiar voice of Trevor echoing in my ears with my cries nearly drowning him out. "It's okay, I'm here." I don't hesitate to curl into his chest, holding him tightly as my tears soaked his shirt. "I'm here." He kept repeating the words until I finally listened to them. I took deep breaths and squeezed tighter to him, trying to hold myself together but I really couldn't. I looked up to him, scared that he might have a bad look written on his face when I do. Instead, it was inviting and it didn't make me feel worse for myself. That's when I realized he had just come from Graduation since he was still in his gown. I frowned and shook my head, sitting up._

_"Why- why did you c-come right n-now?" I ask, stuttering from my uneasy breathing and hiccups caused by crying heavily. He gave me a confused expression and shook his head._

_"That's what you're upset about right now?" He seemed in disbelief, but not the bad kind. He just laughs lightly and pulls me back down into a hug. I let myself calm down and he sighs. "I'm so sorry, Marley." I shake my head, squinting my eyes to stop tearing up._

_"You act like it was your fault." He was quiet, knowing nothing he says right now could help. It wasn't his doing and it also wasn't his fault he couldn't say much. What do you tell someone in this situation? Sorry for your loss? It will get better? He was a good man? Nothing could be said right now that won't make me cry hysterically._

_"I'm here." There's the words again. The actual only words that couldn't put me in a crying fit. I clenched his gown and nodded._

_"I know..." I bite my tongue, trying not to tell him those three words I have been keeping to myself for four years now. "Thank you." My voice was rough and crackled. I felt his lips atop my head and smiled softly, with my heart breaking a little at the same time. "Can you stay?" I whisper. He hesitated for a moment and smiled down at me._

_"Yeah." He whispered back. "Yeah, I can." My eyes were swollen, but I knew he didn't care right now. I looked at him and smiled weakly._

_"I'll need a distraction." He gives me a look that was questionable._

_"I hope I'm a perfect one, then." I curl up into him while light rain starts to patter on my window. I look outside, still seeing the sirens in the distance. Trevor immediately gets up and closes the blinds and curtains, hiding them from me. "No more of that." He crawls back onto the bed with me after removing his gown to reveal his Rolling Stones tee and jeans. He laid over the blankets he tucked me into and used the remote to turn on the box T.V., grabbing the controller to the XBox off my dresser._ _"Do you mind?" He questions. I shake my head, knowing very well he needs a distraction as well. I hold his hips with one arm, curling more comfortably to him as he sat against the headboard to play Tetris._

Two days later, Trevor had lost his cousin. I lost my only sibling because of a drunk driver who had nothing but Whiskey bottles in his car when the cops released it to the press. Trevor's cousin was killed on a job site from falling off a safety ladder that broke loose. When I said I wasn't mentally prepared to be comforting him, I wasn't kidding. We both were crying together and telling each other it was okay when neither of us were. I hadn't even noticed that where I needed to edit passed, being I was unfocused. I backtracked and found my spot, clipping what I needed to and matching my voice files to it.

"Marley." I snap my attention to Jeremy, who was watching me carefully. "You good?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, why?" I ask, trying to make it seem like I was just a little distracted.

"Well for one, I called you four times and you didn't have headphones on, two you were looking really upset, and three you missed your edit."

"Okay just how long were you standing there?"

"Long enough." He walks closer to me and frowns, sitting in Alfredo's now empty desk. That's when I realized everyone had left for lunch. I cleared my throat and hung my head. "Oh, and four, you missed when everyone left for lunch." I stay quiet. "What's up?" I took a deep shaking breath.

"Did Trevor ever tell you about my brother?" I question, knowing he told Jeremy a lot about me in the past. Jeremy looked down and shook his head.

"Not exactly. He just told me you lost him." He explains. I nod and shift in my seat.

"Well, it was graduation night and my brother and some friends were driving home from just graduating when a drunk driver hit the car and killed only my brother." My throat welled up. It's been six years but it still gets me. "The reason I am sensitive to whiskey is because that's all they found in this man's car after they arrested him. My brother's two friends were barely hurt because my brother took most of the impact by jumping from the backseat to the front to protect them during the crash. He was a big football player so he had a lot of body to get through, making them more safe. He took the impact quicker and I keep asking myself... why?" I tighten my jaw and close my eyes. "Why did he do it? He had so much to live for... He had a full ride on football and tons of people who loved him." Jeremy stays still for a moment before clearing his throat.

"Well let me ask you something: why does a superhero sacrifice his life for the world every single time he tries to save it?" I ponder on the thought. "Because even though he is giving up on his own one life, he is saving millions of other ones. Your brother saw it as one to two in life loss ratio. In my eyes, he did the right thing. He did the most selfless act anyone can do." Jeremy made a very good point. I hated it that he did, though. I wanted to hate someone. I wanted to hate the driver, I wanted to hate his friends, I wanted to hate my brother. The only person I ended up hating was myself. I put my head in my hands and shake my head.

"I started here a week ago and already my head is in shambles." I say with a weak laugh. He gives his own and pats my back lightly.

"It'll be like that for the next month, trust me."

"You know, I gotta admit something to you, Jeremy." I whisper, feeling like I just lost my soul so might as well get it all out. He looks at me to show he was listening. "I fucking hate myself." I look him dead in the eyes and could see something wash over his face. "For five years I hated Trevor because of a reason I didn't even know. I hated everyone involved in my brother's death. I hated my parents for getting a divorce. I hated being with my high school boyfriend. I hated everything with no exaggeration. Now I realize all this hate was me trying to ignore I wasn't the victim. I wanted to be the victim to everything I didn't realize I was hating the wrong things."

"Okay, listen to me, Marley." I glance up to him and cover my mouth, resting my elbow on the desk in front of me. "You're fantastic so far. You're stubborn and always apologizing, but you're a great person. You are a victim- a victim of self hate. The only person that can help you love yourself is the person you love." I huffed and shook my head.

"Yeah that isn't gonna happen."

"And why not?"

"Cause the only person I've loved for most of my life doesn't notice it. If he does, he is doing a great job ignoring it."

"Trust me, you don't know anything about that." He says with a small side smile. I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, okay." I say with a sarcastic tone. "I need to eat." I comment. He laughs lightly and nods, standing from Alfredo's desk.

"Come on, There's tuna in the fridge and some bread in the cabinets." I follow him out of the room, thanking him silently for listening to my blabbering. He pats my back once more and we make it to the breakroom, where Trevor, Michael, and Gavin sat, chatting. Once Trevor saw me, he went serious mode and watched me walk through the doorway. Jeremy gave him a side look and hung his head before making his way to the fridge for the food he said was in there. Trevor walks over to me quickly and keeps his voice quiet.

"Are you okay?" I nod and keep my eyes on him. "I saw you were upset but you didn't really respond to me so I thought you wanted to be alone." I cleared my throat.

"I'm better now. Thank you." My voice was tight and he smiled weakly at me. "Can we talk later?" I ask, not really wanting to start all this again at work. He nods knowingly and retakes his seat with Michael and Gavin. If Jeremy was right about Trevor, then it wasn't obvious. Then again, was I?

 

***

 

There was a party at Geoff's house tonight and I had no idea how to dress. He said casual but "better than I usually dress" which I don't know if that was an insult or him telling me better than casual. I invited Liz as my plus one, promising she could meet Geoff. I decided to go with a simple dress. It was white with a black lace top and collar. It went to my knees and was sleeveless. I wore my black shorts spandex underneath it with some black fashionable boots. My hair was curled with my make-up less neutral than usual. there were more blacks and green on my lids with a deep red lip stick. I felt like I might have been overdone, but Geoff did say better than usual. I look down the hall and see Liz on the couch scrolling through her phone. She was dressed in a casual romper, black with gold beading on the neck. She wore sandals matching the gold beading and her hair was tied back into a half up half down up-do. Her make-up was just as different as mine and I sighed in slight relief. You can tell it's been a minute since I've gone to a party. I took a deep breath and exited the room to meet her. She glances up and smirks at me.

"Wow, you actually look cute." I roll my eyes with a playful grin.

"Let's go. The party started already." Liz nods and leads me out the door, locking it behind us. I climb into the passenger seat to Liz's car and we head towards the party, jamming out to Alessia Cara's Nintendo Game. The ride to Geoff's is quick since he lived right around the corner. I could see the cars parked out front and suddenly got really nervous. Geoff invited me, but he also said he didn't actually expect me to come. I had refused Trevor's invite as well. Liz convinced me to go only for her to meet Geoff. As a great friend, I agreed. Also she said she'd pay my rent next month so yeah. Good friend. I can hear Ed Sheeran's Cross Me with Chance the Rapper and PnB Rock playing loudly on the speakers. We take up an empty parking and I stare at the people entering the party. Was this the right choice? I could just let Liz go in and say I came.

"Are you coming or what?" Liz asks, breaking my attention from the crowd. I nod my head, taking a deep breath.

"Sorry, yeah." I exit the car and walk with her to the house, seeing Geoff coming outside and taking a double look at me and Liz.

"Wow look who actually showed!" I rolled my eyes and socked his shoulder gently. "Super stoked since this is your first outing." His eyes trail to Liz and he smiles wide. "And you are?"

"Liz. I'm the one who let you into Marley's that one day." She says with suddenly no confidence. I arch an eyebrow and smirk.

"She only let you in because she said you were super cute." I tell him before running off into the house. I could hear Geoff hum and tell her "Is that so?" before I disappear into the crowd and music. I greet the people I knew from work right off the bat and I see Michael and Lindsay chatting in the corner with Gavin and a woman he had his arm around. I'm going to guess that was Turney, the girlfriend he spoke of in videos. I make my way over and greet them with a wave. They return it and Turney turns to me.

"Hey!" She says cheerfully. "I'm Meg."

"Oh it's Meg?" I ask, embarrassed.

"Let me guess- you thought it was Turney?" She gives Gavin a look and I nod sheepishly. They share a laugh and she shrugs. "It's all good. You alone?"

"Well I wasn't. My neighbor came but I left her with Geoff." I gave a knowing smile and they nodded, grinning themselves.

"You know who else is alone?" Michael asks. I can see Lindsay nudge him and shake her head. Michael shrugs.

"Let me guess now- Trevor?" My heart skipped a beat when an arm slung over my shoulder. I turned to see Jeremy, smiling at me. I was saddened it wasn't Trevor, but I smiled back anyways. "Hey, buddy!" I say, patting his hand awkwardly. He removes his arm and clears his throat.

"Oh, sorry I'm a little drunk right now." I laugh lightly and feel him remove his arm from me. "Are you wanting something to drink?" I could smell a different odor that wasn't alcohol on his breath. "Oh I also had  _a lot_ of beef jerky." I laughed again and he got a goofy grin on his face. "If you're looking for Trevor he's by the pool with Matt and Alfredo." I nod and thank him, unsure on if I wanted to go see him since he invited me and I turned him down. I sighed and nodded. I needed to see him or else it'll be worse.

"I'll catch you guys in a minute." I tell the small group. I head out the back door and to the in ground pool that Trevor was sitting at with Matt and Alfredo, back turned to me. I walk over quietly to sneak attack him, hearing them chatting about something until I hear my name. I freeze and listen in.

"I don't know man, I think she's got it bad for you." Matt says, taking a swig of his beer.

"Yeah but who cares what drunk you thinks?" Trevor says, obviously not drunk. Alfredo looks to him.

"Okay but don't you?"

"Don't I what?"

"Care?"

"Why would you think I do?"

"Because you're not drinking and you won't tell us why." Alfredo was tipsy but not as far as Matt and Jeremy. I hang my head and stand there, unsure of what to do now. Should I leave? Should I just keep walking towards them?

"It's complicated, alright?" Trevor says while staring at the pool, lost in thought.

"What's complicated about it?"

"If I tell her how I actually feel, I might lose her." Did he mean telling me he doesn't love me back? Because it was obvious and yet here I am, still trying to be friends even though it's been years since we've spoke. My eyes are welling up with tears and I sniffle, trying to look like I wasn't listening in case they looked.

"Dude, just tell her. It's better than avoiding it completely."

"Alfredo, Matt, just fucking drop it." The way Trevor spoke was painful. It sounded like he was ready to punch them both.

"I mean, she's really fuckin pretty, you guys share a history, and she most definitely has it for you." Matt explains. Was I that obvious? Maybe that's why it pushes him away.

"I said fucking drop it!" Trevor goes to stand from the pool in annoyance and turns just enough to see me standing there, playing with my hands and tears dripping onto them. He stares at me, shocked and unsure what to say. I clear my throat and jab a thumb over my shoulder.

"I was just gonna go. I didn't want to come anyways..." I mutter. I turn on my heels and hear Trevor getting out of the pool as I shut the glass sliding door and make my way through the crowd towards the front of the house. I was trying to find Liz when I see her leaned up against the tree in the front, still chatting with Geoff. I decide not to bother her for the keys and just walk home. I rush to the sidewalk, aware Trevor was following me, but I couldn't face him right now. I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and check it, seeing the expected Trevor across the screen. I sigh and ignore the call. My tears were coming faster and I began to run, glad I wore boots tonight. I disappeared around the corner, trying to lose him in case he was behind me.

"Marley!" I hear Trevor's voice close behind me and I book it to the condo, acting like I can actually see where I'm going. Why am I running? why can't I be a fucking adult right now.  _Stop! Stop running! Talk to him!_ My brain was shouting at me as I ran across a street, headlights in my eyes and a honk in my ears. I ignored it and kept running. The car that nearly hit me kept to my side and I slowed, knowing I couldn't outrun a vehicle. "Marley please get in the car." I hear Trevor say through his open window. "We really need to talk about this!" I finally stop, moving in place as I try to gather myself.

"Is that really how you feel?" I shout, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Please just get in the car so we can talk privately?" I look around and see people staring on the sidewalk. I clear my throat and get in, immediately looking out the window. "Buckle up please?" He asks quietly. I reluctantly do so and he sighs, driving towards the condo. I'm quiet the whole way and he was tense the whole time. "I'm taking you home so we can talk comfortably." He says quietly. I nod in response and can see the condo in the street lights. He pulls in and I immediately step out, going to the door and unlocking it. My hands were shaking as I was trying to fumble with the keys. I feel Trevor reach out for my shoulder and I freeze.

"Please do not touch me right now." I tell him quickly. He sighs and moves his hand from the shoulder to his hair, gripping it in frustration. I finally unlock the door and swallow harshly, allowing him to follow me inside. "Where do you want to talk?"

"The bedroom." He says quietly. "Th bed is always where we have deep conversations, right?" He tries to lighten the mood but there is nothing lightening this mood I have. I was about to have my heart broken in my own home. Yeah, I'm a fuckin wreck. I lead the way to the bedroom and sit on the bed. Trevor comes in and gently closes the door.

"Go ahead and talk." I say softly. I couldn't look at him.

"I want you to know exactly what I said and why."

"I heard it." I interrupt. "You just need to explain why." My tone was sharp and he sensed it.

"Fine." He takes a deep breath. "I know how you feel about me, Marley." There it is. The heart breaking words. He knew this whole time. "I just want you to know that I can't ever hate you." I scoff and look to my closet, peering down at the Xbox. "I can't hurt you like that. I can't lose you like that." Every time he spoke I felt pain in my heart. "I need you to understand that, okay?" I sigh and bite my lip.

"Well I'm uh... I'm sorry you feel that way." I whisper. "Because it hurts anyway." He gives a confused face and I shake my head, holding back tears. "You think telling me you know how I feel was a way to  _not_ hurt me?" I scoff and laugh angrily. "Cause boy howdy that sure is what hurts the most." I play with the fluff on my blanket underneath me. "Do you know how much I hated you over those years you didn't talk to me? And how I hated you for giving up on me?" Oh no here comes the painful yelling. "Trevor, I missed you every single day! I thought I did something wrong. I thought I was flawed and not good enough to be your friend anymore. I thought I was too young because you went to college while I was graduating high school. Did you really mean to not hurt me tonight? Because it feels like a repeat of the years you left me behind!" I finally broke. The flood gates would break as well if I wasn't careful.

"Wait, what?" He asks, stunned. "You think you were flawed? Too young? I don't understand. Are we talking about the same thing?" I shook my head and huffed, turning away from him.

"Probably not but I guess it's a good time for me to let it all out." I argue. Trevor hangs his head and nods once heavily.

"Then go ahead." He says deeply. "Let it all out." I stare at him and shake my head.

"There's no point when it all ends the same way."

"And what way is that?"

"I'm not doing this." I stand from the bed and feel Trevor grab my arm, spinning me around.

"Marley, please. Talk to me." I could see something in his eyes that wasn't there before. "I need you to explain to me what you mean." I shake my head and point to the door.

"I need you to leave."

"Please don't do this-"

"Trevor get out!" I shout. He sighs and hangs his head with a small mutter of "sorry" and walks towards my doorway. He gives me one last glance back and finally leaves the condo. I listen for my front door to open and close before I break down into tears hysterically. I hear the front door open loudly against the wall at Liz's and loud laughter. Oh no. I run to the front of the condo and swing my own door open, seeing Liz left the door wide open. I grab the door knob to shut it but not before seeing Geoff and her on each other in the hallway. I squeak in surprise and slam the door shut. Tonight is a lucky night for one of us I guess.


	6. Six

_My laughter was loud and obnoxious as it filled my bedroom. Trevor smiled wide at me while throwing a grape into his mouth, almost missing it._

_"Okay, but I doubt that actually happened." I tell him, controlling my laughter. I grab my own grape and he gasps in fake offense._

_"How dare you not believe me."_

_"Why would I believe that you beat your Taekwondo master so bad he farted in front of the class?"_

_"Uh, because I'm just so awesome?" I shake my head and ruffle his shaggy hair._

_"Will you ever cut that mop on your head?" He peaks up through his bangs at the rest of his hair._

_"Maybe one day."_ _There's a little bit of silence between us._

_"This year won't be the same." I tell him sadly. "You'll be in high school and I'll be in eighth grade. I don't like this." He chuckles and shakes his head._

_"It won't be different." He says. "I'll still come over every day after school so I can complain about how hard it is compared to middle school." I nod and eat another grape._

_"Sounds like a plan." He glances at the clock on the wall and sighs._

_"I better go before my mom has a conniption fit." He grunts as he gets off the bed. "I'll see you tomorrow after school. Promise." He puts out his pinky and I grip it with my own, smiling. He reaches over and places a kiss atop my head. I watch as he exits the room and my mind falls to emptiness. Tomorrow was my first school year without him. I just sigh and stop eating the grapes, getting up to take them to the kitchen. As I go to open the door, I am smacked in the face with it._

_"Hey I forgot- Shit." Trevor mutters in case my mom hears. "Are you okay?" I open my eyes and rub my forehead. I move my hand and Trevor inspects it for me. As he does, I stare at him. I couldn't help it and what else am I going to look at? I could see every light patch of hair he had trying to form on his face and the way his shaggy hair almost got in the way of how he viewed everything. "I'm so sorry. It looks okay though." I snap my attention back to actually listening to him. "Does it hurt?" I shake my head and he smiles small. "Good." He pushes past me and goes to the bed, grabbing his flip phone. "I forgot my phone." I smile and nod, waving him off again. He spun around d again, staring at me for a moment and the smiling. As he walked away, my heart sank. I wanted him to come back and tell me he could stay longer. I wanted him to come and play Tetris or make an excuse to be with me. I wanted him to come back and kiss me. I took a breather and stare down the empty staricase. That is when I realized that I was in love with my best friend._

My heart was heavy and my brain ached. Of course it was Monday. I had Sunday to try and pull myself together after the events of Saturday with Trevor. What a fucking mess. I had just pulled into work when I saw Trevor and Jeremy walking in together; Just like on my first day.

"Hey!" I shout out. They both turn to me, Jeremy smiling. Trevor looked like he wasn't having a good night and by the way things ended last time I can see why. I run up to them and shrug small. "I'm gonna need someone to open the office for me."

"You still don't have the code?" Jeremy gives a confused tone. "Its seven two eight zero eight." He said it so casually and I scratched the back of my neck.

"I didn't think I'd need it because I'm not permanately in there." I admit. He nods in understanding and pulls the door open to the building, Trevor and I following behind him.

"So how was your first two weeks here?" Trevor asks awkwardly. I could tell he wasn't exactly sure what was happening between us and neither was I.

"It has been really good so far." I answer. "I mean, I bruised my ankle, almost got hit in the face with a moon ball twice, got a bloody nose, switched offices, and almost had a mental breakdown, but it has been good." He laughs small and nods.

"Yeah that's what it likes working here." The walk was quiet after that and I tried giving him the cold shoulder, but my heart ached when I saw his sad eyes. "Hey, listen- about Saturday."

"I'd really rather not, Trevor." I say strictly. He sighs and nods.

"Okay." I enter the room behind Jeremy and can see it was just us three so far. Geoff was usually here before everyone but I guess not today.

"Shit I forgot my phone." Jeremy grumbles while patting his pockets. "Can you open up for me?" He asks, looking at me. I nod and he smiles, patting my shoulder before passing through me and Trevor with a thanks. I do as told and take a seat at Jeremy's desk, opening his computer and capture so they both load. I type in his passwords and address to his emails and upload his files to start the day. I had been taught to do all of this Friday afternoon before we let off work. I was given the passwords for everyone on a piece of paper but "RimmyTim" can't really be a forgotten password. The office is quiet and Trevor still hasn't taken his seat. I look back at him and he clears his throat.

"Right." He walks over to his desk and does the same process I do with Jeremy's computer to his own. Only moments later Jeremy comes and I am standing to go to my own desk.

"Thank you so much, Marley." I mod and take my seat. I open my own programs and see an email from Geoff.

Marley,

Please send Trevor and Jack over to the manager meeting ASAP. I forgot to email them.

I sigh lightly and can see out of the corner of my eye Trevor didn't have on his headphones yet. I keep my eyes on my screen.

"Geoff needs you and Jack, once he comes in, for a manager meeting right now. He forgot to tell y'all." Trevor immediately stands and goes towards the door without a word to me or Jeremy. There's an awkward silence and I can feel a presence beside me at Alfredo's desk.

"So what happened?" Jeremy asks, breathing deep for a moment. I scratch the back of my neck.

"I'd rather not talk about it right now."

"I saw the way you guys were running away from the party yesterday." He continues to push. "So just so I know what to say and not to say..."

"Just don't say anything. It's not that hard to be professional." I scowl. He puts his hands up in surrender and stands to wander back to his own chair. I didn't mean to be rude to Jeremy since he was just trying to help but I really don't feel like telling him "yeah my heart got broken and he tries to act like he didn't do it but whatever" or something along those lines. I tried to stay focused on my screen. _Today is Monday meaning I have to edit for Wednesday. That includes Dead Before Daylight and Seven Days to Die. If I edit this one first I will be able to finish that one and then I'll be set to edit for Friday on Wednesday. Then tomorrow I will edit for Thursday and Saturday. Thursday I will edit for Sunday and Tuesday._ I let my thoughts focus on my job duties before I got too carried away with my processes. I grabbed my bag and as I looked down into it to grab my note pad to write down what I needed to do, I saw the suspected wire that had tripped me before. I sighed and looked around, seeing that there were wires like these everywhere.

"I can't with these right now." I push my bag back down to the floor and get to my hands and knees, finding a convenient way to tuck in the wires at my desk. I grab the tape off my desk, taping them into a bundle and out of the way, but still loose enough for tugging room. I see Alfredo had already gotten a hand on his own wires before me and I gave a smile of relief. I moved to Trevor's desk, repeating my process. Yeah, maybe I could work and get something done, or maybe I could clean up and clear my mind to be able to do that work. I moved from desk to desk, Alfredo and Matt coming in a little after I move to the main six desks in the middle. They asked Jeremy what I was up to, but he just shrugged. They after that ignored me and let me finish what I was doing. I finished Ryan's, Geoff's, and Jack's and was about to do Jeremy's when I saw him already doing it.

"Thought I'd save you some work." He comments. I smile smell and thank him with a nod. I work on Michael's and am about to finish when he comes in with Gavin.

"What the hell are you doing?" Michael bellows.

"What does it look like?" I snap back at him. He raises his eyebrows and smirks. Gavin laughs and goes to his desk.

"You look like you're a bloody crack head." He retorts with a snicker. I shrug and finish Michael's desk.

"That may be but look at your desk compared to Michael's free range looking shit." I put my hands on my hips and they share a small laugh.

"Are we chickens now?"

"You sqwack like one so might as well be." He pinches up his face as I smile, feeling the tension and anger leaving me. I toss him the tape and he sighs. Reaching under his desk to fix his own wires up. I look at my work with a satisfied grin and return to my seat.

"I think you and Trevor should do 'Office Beautification' together instead of just him since you enjoy it so much." Michael mentions. There's the tension again. Jeremy glances at him and shakes his head with a serious face. Michael pressed his lips together and is about to say something but I turn away from him to do my actual work. Soon, Geoff, Ryan, Jack, and Trevor all return to the office. The only one to not mention what I did was Trevor. He was quiet most of the time he was back, actually. The other three really liked the free leg room. For this being an electronic surrounded room, I'm surprised these guys didn't do it sooner.

 

***

 

My head was burning up and my nose was running. My eyes were swollen and I couldn't focus on my job. I must have caught a bug overnight or something because it hit me hard. I was squinting, trying to not breathe loudly through my mouth, trying to see my screen through watery eyes. My throat burned from throwing up in the bathroom a few minutes ago, but I was not about to miss a day of work before I have even worked here for a month. I shivered and looked over at Alfredo, who was wearing a short sleeve with a jacket hanging off the back of his chair.

"Hey can I use that?" I ask, pointing to the jacket. He looks at me and nods, handing me the jacket. I curl up into it and pull my feet up onto the chair. I felt myself getting warmer, but my hands were still freezing. I know I should be home but I could make it. I glance at the clock and mentally groan. I for sure can't make it five more hours. I couldn't keep my lunch down today I could already tell you that. My throat gave a warm feeling and i felt like gagging, making me rip off my my headphones and Alfredo's jacket to run back to the bathroom. I don't make it, but instead right outside the door into a small bin. I wipe my face with a napkin next to the coffee machine and cups sitting on the table I leaned on for support. I slowly made my way back into the office, not making eye contact with anyone before I take my seat again. Alfredo offers me his jacket again but I shake my head. I was burning up now. I continued working on my video when i felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I look around to see Michael.

"What's up?" I ask, trying to be casual.

"We're sending you home." I frown and shake my head.

"I'm fine, really."

"Shut up and go home." He said, half joking and half serious. I sighed and stood, feeling weak. He could see it in my face as I stood there, shaking. "Okay, can you even drive?" I clear my throat and nod while taking a step. I immediately crash into his chest, causing him to catch me. "Okay no, Trevor drive her home." My eyes widen and I stand straight up.

"No it's okay, I'm fine to drive. I just lost my balance. I swear." I spurt out quickly. He eyes me cautiously. "Please, Michael, I don't want to inconvenience anyone." Trevor stands and walks towards us.

"It's not any trouble, Marley." He says lowly. "Come on. I'm the only one who's been to your place other than Geoff but he left already." I nod, knowing he is right and if I drive myself I can injure myself or others. I follow Trevor slowly out the door and to his car. He attempts to help me keep upright but after Saturday night I can tell he doesn't want to hurt or offend me by touching me. I sigh and rest my body on his arm as we walk.

"I'm not feeling super great right now and I would really like a friend whether he hates me or not." I admit. I feel Trevor shuffle and throw and arm over me, pulling me closer to him. Now he was balancing me with his arm and ribs. He opened the door and I could see the rain that was supposed to come tonight came a little early today. Trevor huffed and pulled me off of him, taking off his jacket and throwing it around me before shoving the hood over my hair. I was about to protest but honestly, I was freezing again and his jacket felt really warm. I expected Trevor to run, but he didn't. He stayed slow enough for my sick ass to get to the car without straining anymore than I already was. He opens the door for me and makes sure I'm in fully before shutting it. He comes around to his own side and slips in. That's when I realize he was soaked from the rain.

"I'm sorry." I croak out. Trevor doesn't say anything. I don't really deserve to have him talk to me. I didn't let him talk as much as he wanted that night. I just pushed him away like I always do. My head rested against the window as he started the car. Cold air bursts through the vents, quickly turning to warm. I shiver for a moment but quickly calm myself, resting my eyes and letting my mind drift away.

_Trevor laid back down in his bed while I placed a new bag in the bedside bin and took the old one downstairs to the big kitchen can. I heard the microwave beeping to let me know it's been a minute past stop time. I reach in and carefully place the bowl of soup on the counter. I grab the little teaser packets of saltines his parents kept in a sauce bowl on the counter and headed carefully back up the stairs._

_"Soup is ready." I announce while entering the bedroom. When I open the door, Trevor is groaning in pain, holding his head._

_"What the hell did I get sick from?" He grumbles. I give a small frown and he sits up slowly, putting his back against the headboard. I go to him, placing a pillow on his lap and letting him handle the soup since the sides weren't too hot now to touch._

_"Maybe it's the Freshman bug." I joke. He sends me a weak smile and shrugs._

_"Maybe." He grabs the spoon and sips on the broth of the soup. "I can't eat this." He mutters while hanging his head. "I'm sorry but I just wanna throw it up." I shake my head and take the soup from him._

_"Take your time with it." I instruct him. I place the soup on the bedside table. "It'll still be here when you think you can eat." The room is quiet for a moment._

_"You're gonna get sick." He warns for the fifth time since I've came to take care of him._

_"Well with your mom at work, sisters at school, and your dad in Europe, I'm your only hope at getting better." I mention. He chuckles and sighs while closing his eyes._

_"I guess so but that doesn't change the fact."_

_"I know, but I don't care." The room is silent again. "How's college going anyways?"_

_"It's been okay." He answers with a side frown. "It's been challenging to get with the schedule of things, but I am already tutoring this one girl."_

_"That's cool, right?" My heart kind of sank at the mention of a girl._

_"Yeah I guess. I mean, don't get me wrong, Sheila is a great person, but I am in no position to be tutoring someone when I literally just started." He says. "I don't know. I mean isn't it weird for a Freshman to tutor a Sophomore?" I shrug and scratch the back of my neck._

_"I tutored you when you were a Senior." I remind him._

_"Yeah." He laughs out weakly. "I was so bad at Algebra."_

_"I made you get top of the class that year and don't forget it." I joke at him. He nods with a small smile._

_"Never." I hear his mom's car pull up outside and I clear my throat._

_"You're mom is here so I guess that's my cue." I whisper. Trevor blinks harshly and nods._

_"Thank you, though." I pause and turn to him. "You know, for taking care of me. And making me soup I didn't even have the stomach to eat." I smile and lean over, kissing the top of his hair like he does to me before he leaves._

_"Of course." With that, I leave his bedroom with a small hope that he will be sick again tomorrow so I can take care of him. Trevor was always taking care of me so was it actually selfish to want to take care of him?_

I open my eyes to Trevor unbuckling me.

"Sorry, I must have-"

"It's okay." His voice was quiet and not as harsh as I thought it would be whenever he speaks to me. I attempt to shuffle out of the car but I end up needing Trevor to help me up. I was disorientated from the small nap in the car. I feel him grab the keys out of my coat pocket underneath his own jacket that was still on me. The rain once again drenched him while he was unlocking my front door. I get inside and remove Trevor's jacket, hanging it on the coat rack for it to dry off in time for him to take it.

"What about my car?" I question, suddenly realizing I had no ride to work tomorrow.

"Either I can get Geoff to bring it after work or I can have him bring you tomorrow." He was very monotoned and I understood why.

"Trevor, can we... Can we talk?" I ask, getting a little dizzy in my words. He pauses and looks down at me emotionless like.

"Maybe tomorrow." He mumbles. I hang my head and nod, knowing I was in no way ready to talk. I turn around and head towards the restroom, grabbing a towel for Trevor. I hear the front door open and then quickly close. I peek out of the bathroom and see Trevor and his coat gone. I hung my head and slowly placed the towel back on the hook. I could feel tears brimming my eyes and I sighed shakily. I get emotional when I'm sick whether I'm angry or not. I still get upset when I am alone and I'm sick because I was always used to having someone by my side. Trevor, my mom, my dad, my brother... They all were by my side. Now I had no one. I sit on the floor in front of the bathroom in the hallways and start to whimper. My head begins to pound with the crying aching it. I suddenly hear the door again and look up to see Trevor coming in with my purse and work bag. He looks to me and I can't help but give a weak smile.

"I thought you left." I whisper. He sighs and comes to me, pulling me up and leading me to the bedroom. He helps remove my jacket and sit me on the bed.

"I may be upset, but I'm not gonna let you be alone right now." He says lowly. "What kind of pajamas do you want?" He goes towards my closet and opens the drawer specifically for Pajamas. He pulls out my Pink Floyd pants and a white top with ACDC written on it. "Are these okay?" I nod and he gives them to me. He turns to leave the room to give me privacy when I thank him. the door closes and I grab the hem of my shirt, attempting to pull it over my head. I feel myself leaning but I can't catch myself in time and crash to the floor. I let out a pained whimper and hear the door open, Trevor's feet padding towards me on the carpet. He grunts and lifts me with a small sigh.

"I might need a little help." I admit. He thinks for a moment and closes his eyes.

"Lead me to the hem of your shirt." I nod and grab his hand, doing as told. He pulls upwards and keeps a hand on my hip to balance me. The shirt comes off and I reach over to grab the shirt I was given. I pull it down with Trevor's hand still on my hip. He opens his eyes, letting go of a breath I didn't know he was holding. "Are you okay to do the pants?" I nod, already knowing I'll just sit down and slide them on. He exits the room again and I slowly but surely get my pants off and my new ones on. I could hear Trevor making soft 31ay back in the bed to attempt to get comfortable when Trevor knocks lightly on the door.

"I'm decent." I yell with a stuffed voice. He enters with a bowl in one hand and a bag of saltines. Boy if that don't bring back a memory... I smile lightly at him. "You didn't have to." I whisper. He doesn't reply and I sigh small. "I could have made it myself. It's just a can of soup."

"Just eat it, alright?" Again, his voice was sharp toned but soft. I nod and grab the bowl. I play with the soup using the spoon and take a cracker, dipping it into the broth.

"Thank you." I mutter before biting into the cracker. Trevor takes a seat on the bed beside me and places a hand over his mouth before taking a deep breath. He looks over at me for a second and stands up again. He leans down and kisses the top of my head.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Eat this and then go to sleep." He tells me. I watch him take my phone and place it on the charger for me. I nod at him and he smiles weakly. "Good night." I try to reply, but he leaves almost immediately after saying it. I really don't deserve to have him in my life.


	7. Seven

_Crying in my bedroom has become a normal thing since Trevor stopped talking to me. It was so sudden and when I was going to finally get to see him again at my graduation, he just... left. I stared out my window with clouded vision from my tears when my phone went off. I immediately went for it, still hopeful even though it's been a week since I last heard from him. Maybe he will tell me "I'm so sorry school has been crazy" or something similar to just let me know I wasn't just up an left behind. I guess I had to realize the fact no one is friends forever. No matter what age you met. When I saw the message wasn't from Trevor, I started to cry again. I ignored the text and sobbed heavily into my pillow. My brother's death anniversary is coming up in three days. I graduate in four. I don't know if I'll make it to then without him. I shakily grabbed the phone and scrolled to Trevor's contact. I saw all the unread messages that I had sent wondering if he was okay. My heart tightened and I took a deep breath, typing into the phone._

_I don't know if you are alive or not at this point. You still talk to your family, though, since they aren't as upset all the time like I am. I'm sure you remember, but my graduation is in four days and the anniversary is in three. Please, Trevor. I need you._

_I send the message and stare at the screen as if he would immediately reply. I knew he wouldn't. He never did now. I hear the door downstairs and I know it's my mom. It takes no time for her to be up in my room._

_"Honey..." She says quietly at the sight of me. I frown and sit up, trying to hold back my tears. She comes to me and sits down on the bed. Her arm wraps around me and I can't stop myself from crying anymore. I lean into her, letting out my saddened tears._

_"Why did he have to give up on me now? At this time of year?" I ask._

_"Don't forget that in a week's time is his cousin's death anniversary as well." She reminds me quietly. I sigh and look up at the window again. "Honey, I know you miss him, but you need to focus on yourself. Plus, you still have me." I sniffle and change my focus to her._

_"I know..." I hug her tightly. "I love you."_

_"I love you, too." She kisses the top of my head and I feel Trevor's presence again. I frown, crying lightly. "Oh, that was his thing, I'm sorry-"_

_"I miss him so much, Mom." I whimper. "I love him." She sighs and rocks me._

_"I know." She whispers. "I know." I told my mom everything. I told her every time I drank, smoked, did something I wasn't supposed to... I even told her about how I felt for Trevor; and how he didn't feel for me. I trusted my mom with my life and I felt like that's what it should be. She trusted me with hers, too. "Maybe he will show up last minute and surprise you at graduation?"_

_"Don't..."_

_"Don't what?"_

_"Don't get my hopes up. Please." My mom sighs and nods while hugging me once more. I sniffle again, hugging onto my mom since right now she was my only support._

I woke up with tears in my eyes. I wiped at them quickly when I realized my alarm was going off. I slid the alarm off and stood, going to my closet to get my outfit for the day ready. It was just gonna be a simple tee and tight jeans with boots. I get dressed completely and remember that I was sick yesterday. I look at the empty bowl on the table beside me and the mess of crumbs in it. I give a small smile and take them to the kitchen, throwing away the trash and putting the dishes in the sink. I head towards the bathroom and right before I turn into it I see something on my couch. No, not something,  _someone._ It was Trevor. He looked extremely uncomfortable, too. I went over to him and lightly touched his shoulder. He woke up after a couple small pokes and opened his eyes to me with an annoyed look while rubbing his shoulder and neck.

"Hey." I whisper. He clears his throat.

"Hey." He replies with a groggy, scratchy voice. Honestly it was adorable. Then again, so is he in general.

"What are you doing here?"

"I said I wasn't gonna leave you alone." I was taken aback by his words and cleared my throat of the shock.

"Well you could've gone home. I woke up feeling way better thanks to you." I tell him. He sits up and smiles small.

"Good." The room was quiet for a moment.

"Did you wanna go home and get ready for work?"

"Oh yeah, huh... I should probably do that." He chuckles at the end of his sentence before throwing his legs over the side of the couch. He goes to his shoes and slips them on. I see him grab his keys from the coffee table.

"Do you want breakfast first?" The words just spilled out of my mouth. He looks at me, a little surprised. "I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to..."

"I- I do. I would like breakfast, yeah." He smiles lightly and I let out the breath I held. I lead him to the kitchen and he sits down at the island in the middle of it. I grab the box of pancake mix from the cabinet and bacon from the fridge.

"Do you want bacon in the pancakes or on the side?"

"Inside sounds good." He answers. I nod and begin cooking, putting everything into a mixing bowl for the pancakes and placing it on the counter. When I do, I add the bacon to a pan so pre-cook before I add them to the pancakes. "Did your mom teach you to cook?" Trevor questions. I then realize he was gone when I learned how to take care of myself for once.

"Yeah. She taught me a lot." My voice might have came off as sour, but I really didn't want it to be. I continue cooking while Trevor just looks at the kitchen interior. I have his two pancakes done and on a plate by the time he looks back to me.

"Do you miss her?" I sigh and nod a the question.

"Every damn day."

"Why don't you fly her out here?" I raise and eyebrow and turn back to the stove to cook my food.

"I mean, where will she stay?" I ask. "I only have one bedroom and she wants her own room when she visits people. She's a little high maintenance."

"She could stay with me." He offers. I spin to look at him. "What?"

"Why would you do that?" I was honestly shocked and curious.

"Because I love your mom. She was my Second Mom." He mentions. I sigh and shrug.

"I don't know... It's been forever since she's last seen you."  _Plus I already bad mouthed about you to her._ I bit my lip at my own thought. Once I tell my mom about you there is no going back. Trevor pulls out his phone, which I imagine is close to death. I finish my pancakes and grab a plate for them. I hear the familiar tune of FaceTime and spin around.

"Hello?" I can hear my mom's voice. "Wait- Trevor?"

"Hi Ms. Kyle." He says, using her proper maiden name. I run over to the phone. My mom was stunned.

"It's been years!" She exclaims with a small smile. "How did you know I kept my number?"

"Because you've never changed it before. You always said it was too much work." He reminds her. My mom doesn't even try to hold back her smile.

"Okay, Mom, hi." I say, waving into the camera view.

"Oh! You guys are there together?" She asks, suddenly clicking it together. "How did that happen?"

"Well, that new job I got? Trevor works at."

"What a small world!" She says with a surprised look. I shrug and nod.

"Okay, so the reason I called you was to ask you something."

"Yes." She answers quickly. Trevor and I glanced at each other. "What?"

"You don't even know what I was gonna ask." Trevor says through a laugh.

"If you could date my daughter?" She suggested. I gasped and grabbed the phone, hanging up with a scattered but quick goodbye.

"God she's awkward, huh?" I say with a nervous pant. I clear my throat and hand the phone back to Trevor. "Always tryna make things weird." I avoid his eyes and take my seat in front of my food. "Wow..." My face was heated and I tried eating my food ten times faster than before. Trevor chuckles lowly and shrugs.

"I think she just wants you with someone finally." He suggested. I glance up at him and see his face was slightly red as well. "I mean, have you been with anyone since Luke?" His eyes meet mine and I shrug.

"No..."  _Because I wanted you._

"So you're still a virgin then?" I choke on my food.

"Trevor!" I say while coughing.

"Well are you?"

"T-that's none of your business." My throat was now irritated.

"So yes then." I don't speak and feel my face changing more red by the second. "I have to call her back ya know?" I nod and he opens FaceTime one more time.

"I'm gonna guess I thought wrong?" My mom asks immediately.

"Just a bit." Trevor tells her with a smile. "I was actually going to ask if you like planes."

"Planes? I suppose so. Why? What about them?"

"Well I think they're pretty neat too. In fact, when is your next vacation from work?"

"Trevor, I'm retired." My mom laughs out.

"At your age? You're far too young for retirement." I snort at his attempt to smooth talk my mom. By attempt I mean success.

"Why thank you." She says. "I have always liked your lies, Trevor." I roll my eyes when they share a laugh.

"So you're free on time then?" He asks, trying to go back to the subject.

"Yes."

"Good." He thinks for a moment. "I guess we will see you here in a month then?"

"What?"

"For Marley's birthday."  _Oh shit._ I forgot about my own birthday. Life has been too hectic right now to remember it. I'm surprised he did.

"How would I even get out there?"

"I just told you: a plane." He mentions.

"Sweetheart, I can't afford that."

"Well you're not paying for it, so..." I say. Trevor comes to my side of the table and shows me in the camera.

"What are you saying?"

"You know what I'm saying, Mom." I give her a look and can see her eyes welling up with tears. "Mom no, I can't cry before work please."

"I don't know what to say!"

"I'll be having you stay at my place if that's okay with you." Trevor tells her. My mom just nods, still in shock. "Don't worry, you get your own bedroom." I glance at the time through Trevor's phone and gasp. I have to finish getting ready.

"Okay Mom we can finish this later, I gotta go get ready and so does he!"

"Wait, did you stay the night, Trevor?" My face froze. She's gonna think I am lying to her about Trevor or that I'm sleeping with him.

"Yeah she was real sick yesterday so I slept on the couch in case she needed help with anything." My mom looked at me through the camera.

"Okay Mom really, I have to go. I love you!"

"Love you too!" We hang up the phone and I stand, taking our plates to the sink.

"Your mom sure is curious about what's happening around us, huh?" Trevor asks, leaning on the counter beside me with his arms crossed. I shrug and clear my throat.

"She's always been up in my business."

"Well, that's because you tell her everything, right?" He says teasingly. My heart clenches and I nod. I could feel his elbow touching my arm and it sent a shiver down my spine. "Anyways, finish getting ready." He says with a suddenly casual tone. "We'll swing by my house and change and then head to work." With that he leaves to the living room. What the fuck is happening in my life right now? I head back into the bedroom, grabbing my bag and phone. Next I go to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and combing my hair, before going to meet Trevor in the living room.

"Ready?" I ask. He nods and grabs his keys and coat. He leads the way out the door while I lock it from the inside and close it behind me. I climb into the passenger seat and buckle myself. Trevor watches me buckle before backing up and out of the driveway. The ride was quiet except for soft music on the radio.

"Hey." Trevor says suddenly. "Did you want to talk about..." He trails but I know exactly what he was talking about.

"Uh, yeah." My voice was low. Did I really want to talk about this before work?

"So I just wanted to say one thing mainly." I nod. "I do  _not_ think we were talking about the same thing that night." I sigh.

"I agree." I whisper. "I think I may have just gotten overwhelmed and broke."

"And that's okay. Really. Breaking happens sometimes trust me." He replies. "Next time, though, try to just  _talk_ to me about it instead of pushing me away. That's what really hurt me." I nod and take a deep breath.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Trevor."

"Hey, it's okay." He promises. "I'm not mad. I was just really upset that you wouldn't hear me out or even talk to me."

"You're right. I was being really immature about it. I ran away from a party because of a conversation I shouldn't have even heard. That's such high school bullshit." He laughs lightly and shrugs.

"I mean yeah, kind of." His happiness eases me more into this conversation. "So listen- what I was actually trying to say was that no matter how much you hate me for what I've done, I could never hate you for what you've done." I furrow my eyebrows.

"Wait- you think I hate you?"

"Well yeah..." He admits.

"Oh my god, Trevor I don't hate you!" I explain quickly. "I could never really hate you... I was just really upset and I felt like I hated you but deep down I could never." He huffs with a smile.

"I'm really glad to hear that because this whole time I thought you were only tolerating me."

"No, I genuinely like you, Trevor." My voice is soft and I smile small. Trevor pulls into a driveway I am guessing was his. The house almost looked exactly like the one he had back home. It was a two story with a pebble and stone walkway leading to the front door. The yard was a bit smaller than the old house, but the paint job, window frames, everything- exactly the same. "Trying to keep the house like home?" I question. He looks back at the building with a memorizing smile.

"Yeah." He looks back to me. "I figured something should feel like home." He gets out of the car but leans down to see me. "You're welcome to come inside." I shake my head.

"No, I'll wait here. We're gonna be late if I take the time to get a house tour." I say. He laughs and nods, shutting the door.  _Are you ever gonna tell him?_ I bite my tongue at my own thought. Maybe one day I will. I pull out my cell and dial up my mom. It rings twice before she greets me.

"Before you yell at me please let me get a word in." I say.

"I wasn't going to yell. Just confused." She explains. I nod in agreement.

"Honestly, me too."

"I thought you said you were done with him? And what happened to Sheila?"

"I was never done with him persay... Also we dont talk about her. She's a whore."

"Oh okay." I smile at how my mom just accepts the reasoning. "So any old feelings?"

"Oh yeah, almost immediately revived them." I tell her honestly. "The sad part is, I think he knows how I feel."

"How are you so sure?"

"Just the way he acts, Mom. You should see it. He teases me about certain things now, he embarrasses me on purpose, and we got into a big fight the other night yet he took care of me yesterday. He knows that I love him but I just-" I stop myself from crying by biting my lip. "I just know it. And he won't just leave me alone so I can get over him."

"Honey, it's been six years since you last saw him. Don't you think you would've been over him already?" My mom's words hit me. I was about to reply when I saw Trevor coming out of the house.

"I gotta go. Love you." She repeats the last sentence with me and hangs up. Trevor slides into his drivers seat.

"Who was that?" He asks while buckling up.

"My mom."

"Asking about us again?" He hints. I shrug and laugh awkwardly.

"Kind of." My emotions were still a mix.

"Are you all good, though?" He questions, suddenly concerned. I nod my head and give a weak smile. He gives a half-hearted smile and backs out of the driveway.

 

***

 

I don't know what the fuck is happening right now if I'm honestly. There's an ambulance, a couple cop cars, a firetruck, employees scattered outside, and me having a panic attack while Trevor is being examined in the said ambulance. Maybe I should take a couple steps back; We were all doing good at work. No problems, just the usual shenanigans. Trevor and the others were shooting AHWU when Fiona had shot a moon ball from the Nerf Gun cannon thing she loved. Suddenly, Trevor was on the ground, not responding to anyone. I ran over to him, checking his pulse immediately.

"He's alive." I say with panic. "What just happened?"

"I shot a moon ball and hit him square in the head." Fiona says, obviously upset and sorry.

"I've taken moon balls to the head plenty of times." Jeremy puts out. I disagree.

"Everybody is different and the head is sensitive in different spots." I explain. I grab Trevor's face and my phone. Turning on the flashlight. I weave the flashlight over each eye and see his pupils aren't dilating. "Call Nine-One-One." I instruct to the closest person. They take put their phone quickly and dial the number. I can hear Jack speaking to dispatch. I ask for the phone immediately.

"This is Marley Jacobs, I'm the person examining the knocked unconscious Trevor Collins." I explain.

"Okay Marley, what happened when you examined him?"

"His eyes did not dilate, his breathing is slow and almost not there, and his pulse is fine."

"Okay Marley thank you for staying calm." The dispatch says firmly. "Medics are on their way. Can you explain what happened?"

"I was told a ball had hit him somewhere on the head." I tell her while turning Trevor to be on his side. I hold him upright like that with a hand on his back to support him. "I have just rotated him to be on his side." I'm sure she didn't need me to explain every little step I did but it kept me calm to hear myself taking charge.

"Thank you. That was smart. Medics are two minutes away. Please stay on the phone with me and report any changes."

"Yes, Ma'am." Her line has a few clicking noises while I look around the room. Jeremy was talking to Fiona, trying to calm her down. I could hear the sirens wailing in the close distance.

"The medics are here." I tell dispatch.

"Yes, but please stay on the phone until they are in the area you are." I nod and wait while holding Trevor's back still. Another minute passes and there is the sound of the lock opening to the door. Jack rushes inside with the paramedics, who immediately take Trevor from me.

"They're needing to speak with me now."

"Okay you can hang up now, Marley." I click off the phone and hand it back to Jack. I watch as a paramedic rechecks Trevor's eyes, which still do not dilate. One paramedic sets him upright into a sitting position so the other could crouch and tap him on the face.

"Sir?" He questions.

"His name is Trevor." I let them know. He nods and turns back to Trevor.

"Trevor?" He smacks his cheek one more time with a bit more force. That time, Trevor's eyes shoot open and he gasps for air. My heart beats harder and my breath is released.

"W-what happened? What's going on?" He glances and sees paramedics in his face and everyone silently panicking around him.

"Come on, we have to take you to the ambulance." The medic says. "Can you walk?"

"I think so." I follow closely as the medics walk with Trevor to the ambulance, a hand on each arm for support. I make it outside with them and bite my thumb nail, watching as they open the back and sit him on the edge.

"Do you remember anything that happened?" They ask.

"I remember filming AHWU and then this. That's it." He replies honestly. The medics beckon me over and I rush to them.

"You were hit by a moon ball on the head and just knocked out." I tell him with panicking tears in my eyes.

"Wait-what?" He was shocked for sure. "Jeremy gets-"

"I know but you don't." I whisper. He nods and looks at the medics.

"Well, you are suspected to have a concussion since everything seems right except for your eyes. Massive headaches? Blurry vision? Light sensitivity?" They push on.

"Uh, kind of yeah."

"Yep, concussion." They conclude. "Twenty-four hours of no sleep. No caffine to heighten migraines or energy drinks to mess with the heart."

"What if he can't stay up the whole time?" I ask, now really worried.

"If he falls asleep when he shouldn't it can risk a coma." My heart sinks and I pale slightly as I glance at Trevor. "If you think you are better in twelve to fifteen hours, you can go to the ER and have them check you again. That's when you would get your clearance." After a moment of soaking everything in, Trevor nods. "We have to get back now, but you will need to go home from work today. Will you be able to do that?" Trevor nods. "Will there be a support person who can help you and keep you in check?"

"Me." I volunteer quickly. "I can do it." Trevor glances to me as the medic nods.

"Very well." He clears his throat while his partner goes into the cab of the ambulance. "If you have any concerns then call the hospital, not the emergency line. They can give you advice. Please be advised that if they fall asleep-"

"I'm aware, thank you. Go on ahead. I'll take care of him." The man gives us each a look and nods before leaving to the front of the ambulance. Fiona immediately runs up to us and hugs Trevor while crying.

"I am so sorry, Trevor. Oh my god. I'm so stupid." She blabber. I rub her back as she pulls off of Trevor.

"Fiona, You didn't mean to. It's okay." He tells her. She frowns and sighs.

"I know I'm just so sorry." I hug her gently.

"It's all okay, Fiona." I whisper. She shakily let's out a breath. "Go back with the others. Jack is already telling Burnie and Geoff what happened. I'll meet you guys inside when I grab our stuff." Fiona nods and leaves us back to just us.

"Thank you." I hear Trevor say lowly. I look to him and don't know how to feel. Usually I would smile and say it was okay but right now it was not. A coma? Could they scare me any more?

"Of course, Trevor." I whisper. "This shit is crazy. I thought you were dead." I run a hand through my hair. "When I saw your pupils and felt your pulse I was so mixed."

"Wait." He makes a confused expression. "You diagnosed me?" I shrug.

"Not really diagnosed..."

"Since when are you a nurse?" He jokes

"Since right after Graduation when my dad went into cardiac arrest and had problems with seizures." I comment. Trevor frowns and clears his throat.

"I'm sorry I wasn't around more to help. Or at all." I shake my head and pull his arm to lead him back to the office and grab our belongings.

"It doesn't matter. I did it for my family and now I did it for you." I tell him. We reach the room and I go inside, scooping up all of our things. Trevor had his phone, charger, and a watch he takes off when he plays games since it gets in the way. I had my bag and my phone and charger. I head back out, seeing the office is calming down. I'm stopped at the door by my name being called. I turn to Jeremy, but everyone else was watching me.

"Thank you for stepping in when we were panicking." He tells me. "You probably saved his life." I shake my head and smile half-heartedly.

"I didn't save his life. I'm not a doctor, I've just seen some shit. Know y'all know what to do too." I reply while heading out the door. I meet Trevor outside and see him rubbing his head.

"Headaches won't massage out bud." I say with a small laugh. He joins me in the car and sighs. It's gonna be a long twenty four hours.


	8. Eight

It is definitely a challenge to take care of a concussed person. Trevor was trying his hardest to do things on his own but in the end I was always helping him. He would have sudden headaches that weren't major enough to be concerned about, as the hospital had informed us when we called, but were irritating like a brain freeze. Thankfully the frequency was dying down meaning his concussion was wearing off.

"Fucking moon balls, man." Trevor mutters while trying to pick what chest piece to move. "They're dangerous as fuck I guess." He decides on the knight to take my bishop.

"Duh." I huff out. I grab my queen and slide it over to his knight, leaving my queen protected and yet still protecting my king. "I can tell you're in pain because of how shitty you're playing." I comment. He sighs and sits back to stare at the ceiling. Since Trevor's concussion happened at two this afternoon, that meant he was already getting tired before hand. It was now ten at night and it was starting to get to him. "Hey, let's go for a walk." I suggest. He picks his head up and clocks it to the side slightly.

"A walk?" He questions. "Right now? It's pitch dark."

"Which for you is the perfect time." I make my point and he puts his hands up in surrender.

"Alright, if you say so." He stands from the couch and slips on his shoes while I do the same with mine. "I hope it's not too wacky out there for ya." He says with a goofy grin. I roll my eyes and grab his keys, locking the door behind us. The street lights lit the sidewalk enough and the full moon finished the job on where they missed. It was bright enough to see but not to set of Trevor's headaches. We walk towards the sidewalk and I glance at him.

"It doesn't feel too bad tonight." I say with surprise in my voice.

"Yeah I guess not." I could tell Trevor didn't want to do this. He just wanted to sleep. I also knew he didn't want to go into a possible coma. I begin walking to the right and Trevor follows lazily.

"I'm sorry that this is too boring for you." I tease. "I love walking around at night, but it's terrifying when you live in the actual busy parts of town. You're more countryside." He nods and looks at the ground as he walks.

"The last time we went night walking was when you met Taylor. You didn't really want to go much after that." I froze up at the mention of his high school girlfriend's name. "Why not?" I shrug, trying to avoid his eyes.

"Taylor didn't really care for me." I tell him honestly.

"What?"

"Dude, she hated that I was a girl and your best friend." He seems genuinely shocked by the confession.

"But she always said it was fine if you came along to trips and stuff..."

"That's because she knew if you asked me I would say no if she was going." I laugh out. "Anyways, I'm glad you dumped her ass."

"Did I ever tell you why?"

"Because she was making fun of one of your friends, right?" He nods.

"She was making fun of you." He admits. I laugh slightly.

"And you were surprised she hated me?" He shrugs and rubs the back of his neck.

"I just wish I had found someone who could work with us." He tells me. I furrow my brow at him as we turn the corner of the sidewalk.

"Why work with me?" I question.

"Because if you weren't comfortable, I was uncomfortable." His voice was low. "I know that you don't rule over who I date, but I still feel like you should be a part of it."

"I don't want to know about your love life, Trevor." I say quietly. There was a bit more hurt in my voice than I would like to admit. I quickly tried to save myself. "I haven't ever been in-" I catch my words and shake my head. I have been in love. I've just never felt it in return.

"I still can't believe you didn't have a boyfriend or anything in college." He says with a small grin.

"I had school to focus on. After you were telling me how hard it was to get into the swing of college it wasn't a big focus in my life to have a fuck buddy or boyfriend."

"So I'm the reason you didn't have a boyfriend?" He jokes.  _Yes._

"That's not what I'm saying, Stupid." He laughs at his own joke and smiles over at me.

"Thank you for offering this walk tonight." I'm caught off guard.

"Y-you're welcome." I finally say. The walk is quiet as we round the next corner of the block his house was on. The streets were completely quiet now and the only lights on were porches and street lights.

"I've actually been meaning to ask you something." Trevor speaks up.

"What is it?"

"How are you liking working in the office with us?" I shrug and kick at a rock on the walkway.

"I mean, I find it better since I'm partially a secretary and I love that kind of work." I admit. "But it's a lot more dangerous of a workplace than I have ever worked in. Even my job at Wendy's while I worked in College wasn't this wack." He chuckles lowly.

"Yeah, that's a big con compared to the pros I guess." He was quiet again for a moment. "So I'm guessing you wouldn't want to stay in there longer?" I arch an eyebrow at him with a bit of confusion. "Well Gavin is going back to London for four months once Lindsay returns from maternity leave. You could be in his spot for that time being if you'd like. Geoff doesn't mind either." I bite my lip and think of how work has actually been going since I started here. I was behind on my usual editing schedule because of today's events. Larry has been asking when I'll be coming back to the original office, too. I shrug slightly.

"I mean, I'll have to talk to Larry about it." I reply. "Otherwise, I would say maybe. I have a few weeks left to think about it, right?" He nods. "Then yeah, I'll talk to Larry tomorrow when I go back in."

"You're gonna go to work tomorrow?" He seemed surprised. "You're about to stay up almost all night with me and you're still gonna go in?"

"I have to. I have work to catch up on."

"I thought you would be too tired to go in."

"Oh yeah no I'll be dead inside." I say casually. "But like I said, I have work I need to get finished." I feel my cell going off in my pocket and see it's a familiar number. "It's the hospital." I answer it quickly. "Marley Jacobs speaking."

"Hello, Marley, this is Ana from the hospital. We were wondering how Trevor was doing."

"Um, let me ask him." I turn to Trevor. "How are you feeling?"

"I mean, I don't have a headache, my eyes aren't blurring, and my body feels fine." I relay the information to the nurse.

"Great. When was his last headache?"

"I think it was like an hour ago now."

"Okay good." She says cheerfully. "SO what we are going to do is go ahead and clear him for sleeping at one this upcoming morning instead of the twenty-four hours. Okay?" I nod my head but I still had a nervous feeling in my gut.

"Are you sure? What if he doesn't wake up?"

"If he was still having headaches at least two times and hour then he would need to stay awake for the full twenty-four. Since it's been an hour since his last mild one, he is in clearance in that standard. Blurry vision has disappeared along with unsure breathing pattern, right?"

"Yes."

"Then at one, so in two hours, he will be able to sleep." I thank the nurse gratefully and looked at Trevor.

"Two more hours and you get to sleep."

"Oh thank fucking god." I snort a laugh at his response. "I cannot wait to lay down in my bed and just fucking spread eagle that shit." I nod my head in agreement.

"I guess once we get back to the house I'll be going home then." I tell him.

"What? Why?" He asks, confused.

"Because you were cleared and you need sleep."

"You sure you don't want to just stay?" He wonders. "I know you're tired and I don't trust you driving home this tired." I shrug and see the point he made. I was tired.

"Okay."

"You can use the spare room. It's still untouched." I nod and smile at him.

"Thank you."

"Any time, Marley. You know that." We are quiet for the rest of the walk there, enjoying the company of each other in the silence. I walk into the front door and when I turn around after shutting it behind us, I feel Trevor hugging me tightly. I stand there in shock, but still hug him back.

"Are you okay?" I ask immediately.

"I just really enjoy having you around." He whispers. His breath from speaking sends a chill down my spine. He finally pulls back and looks at me with shy eyes. "So I have another hour. Got anything planned?" I laugh slightly and look to the TV.

"What movies you got?" He smiles small and goes towards the cabinet of DVDs. He begins to name them off when one catches my attention.

"Do you like A Quiet Place?" I question. He shrugs.

"I think it's pretty good yeah." I nod my head and he grabs the disc. He comes over to me on the couch after setting up everything to watch the movie. He takes a seat next to me while grabbing a blanket off the back of the sofa. He throws it over both of our legs comfortably. Now you need to understand something: I love watching scary movies. I do. I just still cover my eyes when I think something scary is gonna happen. With A Quiet Place, I got no warning. I was nearly in tears by the time the middle of the movie hit. Trevor suddenly pulls me over to him, which scared me for a second also.

"Hey, it's okay. Come here." I feel my cheeks turning hot and soon the rest of my face follows. I nod reluctantly and crawl over to him. He places me between his legs with my head on his chest. My arms wrapped around his torso and I could feel my heart beating faster. We have laid like this once before, but the occasion was completely different. It was the day my parents had gotten divorced.

_I just stared at my mom and dad as they had a worried look on their faces._

_"Please say something." My mom whispers._

_"What am I supposed to say?" I ask, voice cracking. "You guys are getting a divorce. That's not for me to decide." I could feel my throat constricting even more. "I'm hurting over Bryan's death as well. I guess I need to get a divorce with someone too, huh?" I snapped. My mom and dad looked like they were mixed now. They wanted to yell at me, I know they did. I couldn't face them right now. I stood from the kitchen table and grabbed my phone, running out of the house with them calling after me. They didn't chase me, knowing time apart from them was smarter right now. I went to my contacts and called Trevor immediately._

_"Hey-"_

_"Can I come over?" I say with tears in my eyes._

_"Are you okay?"_

_"Please, just... Can I come over?"_

_"Yeah, of course." I thank him and hang up the phone before I break down hysterically. I book it to two blocks away from my house with shaking limbs just to make it to Trevor's front door. His mom's car wasn't home and his dad was at work. His sisters were at school more than likely since my parent's pulled me out just to talk about this bullshit._   _I rapidly knock on the front door. Trevor opens it quickly and I dive onto him. He doesn't say anything while shutting the door and wrapping me into a tight yet soothing hug. I cry into his chest with such a frustration I don't know how to act. I pull back and walk over to the couch. I grip my hair harshly and stare at my feet as Trevor takes a seat beside me. His hand rubs my back and I sigh, looking to him._

_"Is it my fault?" I whisper. He shakes his head even though he has no idea what I'm talking about. "My parent's are getting a divorce." I explain with a clogged throat. His hand stops for a moment and starts again on my back. "They act like getting a divorce will solve anything."_

_"It will solve their unhappiness." Trevor says simply. I look to him again. "I know it's devastating for you, but it's a new life for them."_

_"This won't change Bryan's death." I scowl._

_"That's not why they are doing this, Marley." I stay quiet. "Come here." He pulls me close to him and rests his back to the couch. I crawl with him and he places me between his legs with my head on his chest and arms around his torso. I could hear his heart beat and my own; Only difference was mine was speeding up. I took a couple of deep breaths while he rubbed my hair gently. "It'll be okay." Trevor whispers. "Your parents will be ultimately happier and trust me, you will be too."  I nod my head and hold tightly to his waist._

_"I fucking hope you're right because I can't handle this."  I say quietly. "You promise to still be around when you go to college next month?" I ask. Trevor's chuckle hums in my ears._

_"I'll try to be here every weekend. I promise." I nod my head and rest it back against him firmly. I honestly have no idea what I would do without Trevor by my side._

My mind collapses the memory when I jump at a scare on the TV. I tighten around Trevor and can feel him laugh lowly. I slowly release him and feel myself relaxing again. I guess I started to relax a little too much because I woke up to Trevor picking me up from the couch.

"Trevor?" I ask. He shushes me and I feel him beginning to walk. "I can walk." I yawn out. "I didn't think I fell asleep."

"It's fine. I got you." He enters the bedroom I'm guessing was mine for the night. He places me onto the bed and pulls the cover up over me. I smile lightly and thank him.

"You're the best." I whisper. He laughs quietly and smiles down at me.

"I know." He leans down and kisses the top my head before staring at me fondly. I give a shy smile as he clears his throat. "Goodnight." With him leaving the door slightly ajar, I fall asleep in the comfortable bed.

 

***

 

I laughed almost a little too loud as Blaine, a man I met in the office breakroom, told a joke. He smiled wide at me and shrugged.

"That's always a hook, line, and sinker." He tells me. I nod.

"I can see why. That's fucking hilarious." I admit. He laughs lightly and clears his throat.

"So hey, you and Trevor are friends or...?" I almost choke on my food.

"Oh, um, we aren't a thing, no." I say to him shyly. I was shocked by his sudden question.

"Great! Cause I was gonna ask if you wanted to go to dinner with me tomorrow night." I stared at him with a surprised look. "I'm sorry, that was too forward. We had just met an hour ago-"

"No, no!" I quickly cut him off. "I would like to, actually." Blaine was cute. He was also funny and had a nice personality so far.

"Oh, awesome!" He says with a giant kidlike grin. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" I smile back at him and nod.

"Yeah, for sure." Blaine and I separate after exchanging numbers quickly. Now I know what you're thinking: I am in love with Trevor! You're right, I am. Obviously, I need to move on, though. Because nothing is happening between us for sure now. I feel like a reunion like ours would call for a romance to spark but at this point I feel like I should be giving up. So, I am. I walk back into the office, feeling giddy. I guess it was obvious, because Jeremy eyed me suspiciously.

"Why are you so happy now?" I questions. I shrug and bite my lip slightly.

"I have a date tomorrow night." I can see Trevor remove his headphones, but he doesn't take them off. "It's with Blaine. I just met him on my lunch." I explain. Jeremy hums and makes a strange face. I'm honestly not sure if it's a good one or not.

"Well, I hope you guys have fun then." He says with a small smile. I nod and take my seat at Lindsay's desk. I had two weeks left until Lindsay came back. That means I have to decide on if I was going to cover Gavin's position and help Lindsay out in the main office or return to my old desk in the support room. So far I was leaning more towards covering Gavin than my old desk, but that's because I have enjoyed being the office secretary; It gives Sarah a break. I could see Trevor out of the corner of my eye. He was sitting very still, staring without blinking and holding a hand to his mouth. I ignored it, thinking he was just focused, and went to my own work. I was editing for about an hour before Alfredo nudged me. I took off my headphones as he juts a thumb behind him. Michael was standing at his desk and looking straight at me.

"You in?" He asks with no explanation. I was feeling good today and shrugged.

"Fuck it, I'm in." I say with a smile. "What am I doing?" Michael smiles and grabs a metal bat off the floor. I narrow my eyes at him. What did I just agree to?

"You're gonna hit a few things with this bat." He tells me shortly.

"What for?"

"Content." I snicker at his answer and nod. I stand from my desk and grab my phone before walking over to Michael and grabbing the bat.

"What's getting smashed first?" I question. Michael gives me a piece of paper with a list on it. A lot of it had Gavin's name beside it. "So am I like... part of the mafia?" I question while looking at Alec, who I just noticed was recording mine and Michael's conversation.

"Kind of." Michael was very good at not elaborating this project. "Alright, so as you can see on the list, Gavin has a lot of shit to smash." I nod my head. "Since he's gonna be leaving for four months, I figured we would give him a  _smashing_ goodbye." I almost hurt my own head with this bat after that joke. I took a deep breath after a glance of annoyance at the camera.

"So when you say 'Gavin's favorite chair' is that this one or the play pals one?" I ask, reading off the first item on his list.

"Oh, definitely this one." He points to the in-office chair and I smile devilishly.

"Got it." Before Michael can speak, I start slamming the bat onto Gavin's chair. The bat immediately breaks the arm of the chair with an echoing cling noise to accompany it.

"Damn, Marley!" Jeremy yells with a laugh. I shrug and go for it again, breaking the other arm of the chair.

"Gavin is gonna probably cry." Jack says with a deep chuckle. Matt comes to the same side of the room as me and stares with a cup of soda in hand as I swing again and again at Gavin's chair. I knew his chair was broken on the bottom before all of this because he complained about it before he left work Wednesday. Today was Friday and he was at a podcast with Burnie, Gus, and Barbara. I swung the bat sideways, smashing the inside of the bar holding up the chair. The top of the furniture piece shook and fell sideways onto the floor. I rose the bat in victory and smashed it one more time on the top half.

"Remind me not to cross you." Matt comments before taking a sip of his drink. I nod and laugh lightly. I pick up the list and read the next object.

"Gavin's hidden plastic silverware." I read off. I begin opening his drawers and find a bag full of plastic silverware, barely opened and only a couple pieces missing. I toss it to the floor and begin smacking down on it. I hear a lot of cracking and look to Michael, who is cackling.

"Now just put it back in the desk gently like it never happened." I do as told and make sure to place it back in the position it was in. I went down the list of Gavin's random items before I reached something that wasn't Gavin's.

"On it." I say before going to Jeremy's desk and grabbing one of his Four Loco cups. He gasps and tries to grab it, but I put it to the ground and smash it before he has time.

"Michael, why was that on your list?" He says, frowning.

"Because I just saved you from being able to get financial compensation in like forty years." Michael replies. I am two items away from the end of Michael's list now. I glance at them and see one is an air horn and the other is an old TV.

"Okay, these last two are gonna kill me." I say, looking to Michael. He shrugs.

"It's fine, the air horn will just explode and the TV is unplugged."

"You say 'just explode' like it's not a big deal." I point out. He gives a nonchalant shrug.

"You'll be fine." I huff and nod, following him out of the office and to the parking lot outside the exit. Matt follows us with an air horn he picked out from the office. I am about to smash down on it when the door opens.

"Alright, that's enough." Trevor comes out saying. I arch an eyebrow at him.

"What, why?" Alec immediately cuts the camera and shoves the phone in his pocket.

"This could seriously get you or someone else hurt." Trevor grabs the bat from me, but I don't let go.

"So?" I respond. He seems a bit shocked by my choice and sighs, dropping his grip on the bat.

"Fine, whatever." He mutters. "Guess you know best, huh?" I can see Matt, Michael, and Alec sneaking back towards the building.

"What the hell is your problem right now?" I ask with disbelief. "If it was anyone else you'd let them."

"Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop playing the victim!" I hear the door shut to the building and I shake my head.

"I'm not playing victim, Trevor. I'm playing the equality card here."

"Everyone else is an idiot in that office. I don't think you're ready to be one just yet."

"And why is that, huh?" I say with an annoyed laugh in my voice. "Is it because I'm a girl? Is it because I am new?"

"It's because you have a date you need to make it to tomorrow night, Marley." He says firmly. I rolled my eyes.

"And why does that matter to you?"

"Cause it's your first chance at having something serious with someone and you're gonna miss it!" I huff and shake my head in anger.

"I know this is my first chance but it isn't my last."

"What are you waiting on, Marley?" He asks. "Huh?"

"I'm waiting on you to shut up about my fucking love life!"

"I can't talk about it if it doesn't exist."

"Wow." I bite my lip. "Low fucking blow, Asshole." I shove Trevor with my shoulder as I walk passed him. I feel him grab my arm and I spin to face him.

"Marley, I'm sorry." I laugh coldly.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I answer back sarcastically. "I'm going back inside." I walk towards the office again with anger clouding my head. There goes the good feeling I had today.


	9. Nine

My date with Blaine was going really well. That is, until I got angry again at Trevor. I was mad at him still for having the audacity to tell me what he did. After that, I had made a point to have sex with Blaine. I know, what the fuck? Anyways, Blaine and I went back to my condo and were heavily making out on the bed. I was actually enjoying kissing Blaine right now. It's been a while since I've gotten hot and bothered. I took a deep breath after separating from him and he smiled, kissing down my neck. My breathing picked up the lower he got. I swallowed thickly and grabbed Blaine's hands.

"Wait." I whisper. He looks up to me with a confused face. "I- I can't do this." I hated myself right now. I was really about to lose my long held virginity out of pettiness and anger. What the hell is wrong with me? Blaine comes back to lay next to me with his head propped on his hand. I cover my face with guilt and embarrassment.

"It's fine if you don't want to do this, Marley." Blaine says softly. "I understand."

"No, you really don't." I laugh out nervously. "I'm a virgin." His eyes widen and he goes pale.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't mean to-"

"No it's fine I am to blame right now. Thank you, though."

"So are you saving yourself for marriage then?" I shake my head to his question. "What is it then?"

"I was saving myself for someone but I don't think it's going to happen." I admit.

"Was it Trevor?" I bite my lip and nod.

"How does everyone recognize that right away?" I ask.

"Because it's obvious." He says with a half shrug. "You guys are so comfortable around each other and when the other is upset or hurt, you'll volunteer to help no matter what state you're in."

"That's just what best friends do."

"No, and you wouldn't know that because you've never had another friend as close as Trevor." Blaine made a good point. Unfortunately. I sigh and look at him.

"I'm sorry about tonight..." I whisper. He shakes his head and smiles.

"Don't worry. I'm glad you fell through." He admits. "If you didn't I think your regret then would have been worse." I nod in agreement. "I'm gonna head out. I'll see you Monday." I tell him goodnight and smile at how kind he was about this whole thing. He was so pure and comforting it was nice to have that right now. I glanced at my phone and saw it was nine. Maybe Trevor is still awake... I dial his number and ring it. The ringing sound in my mind takes minutes when really it's only seconds. Finally, Trevor picks up.

"Hello?" He asks, obviously waking up.

"Shit, I'm sorry! I'll call you tomorrow." I tell him quietly.

"No, it's okay." There was that groggy voice again. "What's up?"

"Can I come over?" I ask. "I really want to talk to you." There's a pause.

"Okay, yeah." He shuffles around on the phone. "Go ahead and head over." I thank him and hang up the phone. I grab my keys and slip on my shoes while I was still dressed in a casual dress I wore for the date with Blaine. I jump into the car and tap the steering wheel as my mind races. _What am I doing? Why did I even ask to go over? What was my plan here?_ I arrived at Trevor's and just stared at the yard. Can I actually mentally have a plan here or am I just winging it? _You're winging it_. My brain tells me. I roll my eyes and step out of the vehicle, locking it behind me. I need to do this or I'll never do it. I rap on the door quickly and take a deep breath while moving around nervously. As soon as Trevor opens the door, my body leaps forward. I don't even calculate what the hell is happening before it happens. My lips are on his and I am closing my eyes so tightly hoping that when I open them I can still see a happy and friendly Trevor in front of me. I release my kiss on him and feel my face flustering as I realize fully what I had done.

"Shit." I whisper. "Shit, shit, shit." I avoid his eyes and grab my hair. "Why did I just do that? Why?" I finally look up and see Trevor dazed and confused, but still standing there and staring at me. "I-I'm so sorry, Trevor. I have been wanting to do that for so long but not like this. I didn't-" I am cut off by Trevor grabbing me waist and crashing his lips onto mine. This time I was shocked. This isn't happening. It can't be. Why would it be? I finally accept that maybe it could be and lean into the kiss deeper. Trevor smiles slightly in the kiss and pulls his mouth from mine while giving small pecks to my lips before looking at me.

"I'm so fucking glad you did it." He said with a laugh of nervousness. "I've been trying to find a way to kiss you since Sophomore year." I was stunned.

"Well fuck, I've been trying to find a way to kiss you since Eighth Grade. Jesus christ were we blind that whole time?" I ask, trying to joke about the situation. Trevor just smirks and shuts the door behind me. I watch him lean closer. This has to be a dream. There's no way this is true. I wait to feel his lips on mine again before confirming that  _holy shit this is real._ I felt the need for more deep kissing as the interaction lasted. I grabbed the the back of his hair while he held tightly to my back. I gasped when his nails dug slightly into my back, letting Trevor take the advantage and slide his tongue through to lick at mine. I tried to fight him but he wanted it more than I anticipated. He won his dominance quickly and smirked at it. I felt a hand travel down to my leg and lift my thigh to where my leg was around his waist. My dress slid up and he moved his hand into it, gripping my ass and thigh firmly but gently. I moaned at the feeling, wanting to feel more. His other hand followed the same motions on the other leg until I was straddling him in the standing position. I felt Trevor spin and suddenly I was crushed between him and a wall. I placed my hands up over my head on the wall before wrapping my legs around his waist for more support. He pulls back from the kiss to gather air before immediately diving into my neck.

"Fuck this is so hard..." He breathes out into my neck.

"What is?" I pant out.

"I want to have you but I don't want to take your values from you." I understood exactly what he meant.

"Trevor, I have been a virgin this whole time in hopes I could do it with you first." I explain to him. I feel him smile into my neck and lift his head up to look at me.

"God I wish I would have known that sooner." His voice was low and husky, but also loving and caring. It just made me want him more. I feel him pulling me off the wall and walking with me towards the hallway. I presume we are headed for the bedroom. I hear him kick open the door and within seconds I am thrown on the bed. My dress comes up to reveal my underwear underneath; They were black and bikini shaped. Trevor doesn't ignore it, but he also doesn't go straight for it. Instead, he pulls himself up to be hovering over me. He reconnects our lips and this time, I feel different. I feel twitchy and like there is an ache in my gut. My saliva was getting thicker and my heart was pounding. Trevor rolls to be on his back and pulls me over him. I straddle his lap while smiling down at him. Suddenly, he pauses, catching his breath and just staring at me with the tiniest smile on his face.

"I love you." He says confidently. My throat hitches and I catch myself staring at him with no response.

"I love you, too." I finally say. He pulls me down to him and instead of full on making out like before, he just hugs me close to him. "I really don't want your first time to be right now." He whispers to me. I swallow hard and feel myself calming in his grip. "I just feel right now is too much at once." I nod my head in agreement.

"Yeah, maybe you're right." I reply. He hugs me tighter before I pull up to look at him in the eyes.

"I really want to have you, but I can't like this." I nod again.

"It's okay, Trevor, I understand." I kiss him on the tip of the nose softly. "Thank you for trying for me." He smiles small and runs a hand through my hair.

"I can't believe this is finally happening." He says lowly. I laugh with a feeling of heat in my cheeks.

" _You_ can't believe it?" I ask. "I for one cannot even fathom this. I didn't ever think it would happen."

"I'm sure it would have if I wasn't such a pussy." He admits. I cackle at that and shrug.

"I'm sure." He pokes my nose as my laughter dies down.

"Would you like to stay the night?" He questions gently. I smile small and nod.

"Yes." I answer proudly. He gets a giant grin on his face and pulls me up with him.

"I have a shirt you can wear and extra pants." He was super stoked now, making me smile at his cute face. He hands me the said clothing and I take it with a thanks.

"Do you mind if I get undressed here?" I ask, trying to not sound like I was still hot and bothered.

"Uh, sure, yeah I won't look." I shrug at his words.

"I mean you can look." I mutter.

"What?"

"Nothing." He smirks at my words and I can't help but stifle a laugh. He heard me but wanted to see if I was brave enough to urge it on. I remove my dress without warning and slip off my bra only for him to see my breasts before he got to close his eyes or look away. I giggle at the situation and pull Trevor's shirt over me. I go to put on the pants but decide against it, wanting to feel sexier right now since it was my first night with Trevor. I climb into the bed and cover myself with the blanket. "I'm good." I infom him. He nervously turns around and smiles, getting into bed next to me. He cuddles towards me and as soon as his hand hits my thigh he freezes.

"You didn't put on the pants?" He asked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Just hold me." I say with a small laugh at his shyness.

"You know, you're pretty confident for a virgin." He laughs out. I place his hand farther behind my thigh to which he grasps tightly with a thick swallow.

"Yeah, well, I've been waiting almost ten years so yeah I'd think I'm sexually frustrated." I tell him. Has it really been that long now? Fuck...

"I promise we will do it soon, okay?" Trevor whispers into my hair. "I just want it to be nice between us when it happens." I nod my head.

"You'll be the experienced one, remember?"

"I wouldn't say experienced persay..." He says with a small shrug. "More of I know the basics." I agree shortly with him and pull myself closer to his naked chest. His hand softened up on my thigh before rubbing small circles with his thumb over my bare skin. I kept my head in his chest with asmile on my weak and tired face. Today was an experience for sure; With or without sex.

 

***

 

I explained to Blaine what had happened after he left and apologized for the bad date once more. He was super understanding and actually stoked for Trevor and me. He was still just as welcoming as he was when we first met, making me happy it didn't ruin our newfound friendship. I had a week left in the main office now unless I took the offer to help Lindsay through Gavin's desk while he was on family leave. Apparently he was leaving because his uncle had passed and he was going to take Meg as a vacation for the rest of the time being there. Trevor and I were together all weekend and while there was a lot of teasing and whatnot, there was no sex. He was set on making my first time special to both of us. When we walked in together at the office it was only Geoff and Jeremy. They saw how different we were acting towards each other I'm guessing because Geoff rolled his eyes playfully and Jeremy winked at me. I admitted to them our relationship status when they asked what was going on. Trevor and I were heavily focused on one another, but neither of us had called the other boyfriend or girlfriend quite yet. Then again, the situation hadn't came up. As the rest of the office filed in, Jeremy and Geoff had secretly informed them, and I mean loudly, that we were a thing now. Today they were playing Prop Hunt and everyone, especially Trevor, were really excited.

"I cannot wait to play." Trevor tells the microphone. "Today has been a great day so far so I feel like I could finally win this. I smirk and wish him luck while working on my set video for the next upload date. Larry had told me that this one of Things to Do In GTA V had to absolutely be ready for Wednesday so that first members could see it then instead of Thirsday with the others. I heard someone say my name and spin, looking at Geoff.

"Wanna play for me?" He asks. "I have a meeting in five." I nervously rub the back of my neck.

"Uh..."

"Oh come on it'll be fine." He says while standing. I shrug and head towards his desk.

"Fuck it." I take my seat and quickly learn the controls. Geoff had chosen a very obvious prop and I sighed. "Well you have already fucked me." I tell him. I get a heavy laugh in return and just ignore my predicament to play the game. I hear the others chatting away while I just kept quiet, trying to figure out what to do. I was a god damn table. I was in the middle of a large room with couches in it. I sighed.

"I'm gonna be the first to die." I tell everyone. "I'm going to take one for the team." Ryan laughs from beside me.

"I will gladly take you out of your misery, Marley." I watch my screen carefully as two hunters run by me without a second glance. Was this really working? I swallowed and bit my lip nervously.

"Okay, maybe I'm not fucked." I say after it had been a minute.

"She either switched props or we ran by her." Jeremy says with a high pitched laugh at the end. I shrug with a small smile to hide my glee of not being killed immediately. Michael starts yelling loudly while I can hear guns going off somewhere in the distance. I then see a water bottle dart by me quickly with two hunters chasing after it. The hunters were Jeremy and Ryan. Jack was somewhere separately, bit by the sound of it he was going to block Michael.

"I'm dead." Michael announces with the screen name informing us digitally. "Fuck if I didn't try to jump on that stupid bucket I would have been fine!"

"You would have." Ryan assures him.

"Okay, Marley, how have you not been found?" Michael asks with a little chuckle in his voice.

"Well don't out me!"

"Okay she's being obvious in a bad spot." Jack calls out. I squeak in fear and hear Trevor laugh from behind me.

"You guys will never find her." He says into the mic. "Geoff hid her. She's gonna win it for us."

"Well she still has to move in the last seconds." Jeremy points out. I sigh and pout.

"I was gonna win, though."

"You still might."

"No I will not." I say with a heavy chuckle.

"Yeah I gotta agree with Marley." Michael says with a snort of air. I read the timer at one minute left. Thirty more seconds and I have to move. Where will I go? I moved my camera and saw a large and empty hallway to the right. Maybe I could press up against the wall... I watch the thirty seconds hit and book it to the hall, only to hear Trevor screeching and begging to not be killed. I turn the hall and see a TV running to me with a hunter chasing it.

"Go the other way!" He shouts in panic. I squeal and charge for the room next to the hallway while Trevor goes into the room I was just in. I quickly press up against the wall and hold my breath. Ten seconds and I taunt automatically.

"Oh my god why now you shit!" I yell as the hunter who was chasing Trevor comes around the corner.

"Where are you..." Ryan asks with a low voice. I hold my breath again and wait until he isn't looking to run out of the room. "Hey!" I cry out as I hear the gunfire behind me.

"Fucking run!" Michael cheers while cackling. I bob and weave and see at the top  **Props Win** making me throw my hands up in the air.

"I fucking won!" I shout. "That's it, that's all I need to play. It was fun, but uh, I gotta make this victory last." I joke. The others laugh at me while I was smiling wide. the game continues nonetheless and after a couple rounds of me not winning again, we call it a video. It was the last recording to do of the day so afterwards, we were wrapping it up.

"Bye guys!" Alfredo shouts as he leaves, making Trevor and I the only ones left in the room.

"You were great today." Trevor says in the silent room.

"I played a video game." I answered with a small shrug.

"Yeah, but you and I both know you weren't wanting to be in a video." He was right. I wasn't really ready to be introduced into the fan base through a game video. The Between the Games video wasn't set to release until the day before Gavin leaves which gave me time to prepare. No telling when this video would release.

"Well I didn't really mind after a while. I forgot we were recording and not just hanging out, playing a game." I admit.

"Yeah, well, we don't ever do that outside of work." He informs me. I frown.

"Why not?"

"Cause why would we play video games all day only to get together and do it out of work?"

"Because you don't have to worry about it being for content." I say simply. "You can play however the hell you wanna play." He smiles small at me and kisses my forehead. I grab my bag and phone before heading towards the door.

"Were you coming over tonight?" Trevor asks suddenly. He sounded nervous.

"I'm sorry, Trevor, not tonight." I say quietly. "I'm really behind on my edits. Maybe tomorrow?" I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Instead, though, he just smiled and grabbed my hand.

"Okay." We walk out to my car and I unlock it. "I'll see you tomorrow then." I nod and kiss his cheek.

"I'll let you know after work tomorrow when I'll be on my way." I promise him. He nods while I open the door. I slide into the car and see Trevor waving me off through the window. I wave back and make my way home. As I'm driving down the road, I turn up my radio and hear a very familiar song playing that I hadn't heard since high school.

_People I didn't know or have seen around were crowding the gymnasium and outdoor grass lot as loud music played. I could see Trevor off with his senior friends while none of my junior friends showed. I took a drink of my water and stared at my wedges awkwardly. I couldn't even walk in these things. Why did I even bother coming? Oh, right. Because Trevor asked me to. He claimed I needed to get out of the house. He also said I couldn't miss a prom dance. If I did, I would regret it. Honestly I regret coming more than my decision beforehand. Now I was alone at a dance I didn't even want to go to. I saw girls dancing all close to their dates and whatnot. The teachers who chaperoned were obviously getting uncomfortable. I sighed and threw the empty cup in my hand away. I began to walk towards the door with my flip phone in my hand when I felt a hand on my wrist. I spun to see Trevor._

_"Hey." He said over the music. "Where are you going?"_

_"Home."_

_"Are you okay?"_

_"I don't want to be here, Trevor." I admit to him. He frowns slightly._

_"I'm sorry, Marley." He apologizes. "I just wanted you to come."_

_"What so I can watch other people dance?" I huff. "No thanks."_

_"Is that all you want is to dance?" He asks. I shrug and avoid his eyes._

_"I mean, kind of."_

_"Then let's dance." He suggests. My throat clogs and my heart skips._

_"I don't want to dance like that." I gesture to the couples on each other._

_"Then I'll be right back." Without any time for me to protest, Trevor runs to the DJ. I see him nod and the song changes. Trevor comes back to me and smiles. I can hear I'll Be my Edwin McCain playing in the speakers. He grabs my hand in an attempt to pull me to the crowd but I shake my head in fear._

_"I'd rather stay right here." He smiles and nods, pulling me close to him. I begin to sway with his body and I avoid his eyes at all costs in fear he might see the blush in my cheeks. In place my forehead on his chest and can feel the vibrations from the music breathing through him. He squeezed me tightly and I smiled at it. My head shifted and I laid it on the front of his shoulder._

_"I'll be your crying shoulder. I'll be your love suicide..." I could hear Trevor singing softly into my hair. I felt so calm. It was like no one else was around. It felt right._

_"I love you." I say blantly. My eyes widen and I hold my breath, hoping the music wasn't quiet enough for me to be heard._

_"I love you too." Trevor says simply. I am about to look at him. "You're my best friend." I frown and try to not cry and wet his dark blue tux. That's not what way I meant. I just stayed quiet while staying with Trevor. This was the closest I was ever going to get to admitting my feelings._


	10. Ten

I accepted the position to help Lindsay while Gavin was in The UK. She was highly grateful and wanted to know my answer before she would have to beg me to stay. She just had Luna so of course I was going to help. She came back to work a lot earlier than I would have that's for sure. It's been a week of Trevor and I seeing each other, but still no titles. It started to bug Trevor I had noticed. I assured him that just because there are no titles doesn't mean I'm going to see other people. We were committed to an extent of course. You have to think: it's been years since I have last seen Trevor. Our lives have changed and became so different. We were restepping into each other and discovering what's new about one another. For instance, I learned that Trevor didn't really want to do much during college except get through it and possibly be with Sheila, which turned out to be a bust. He also said he met Jeremy and Matt way before they all three got hired at the office. He had mentioned a couple flings he had here and there but nothing was ever serious. I am thinking maybe he's scared I'm making him a fling by not putting 'My Boyfriend' in front of his name. Other than the one night we told each other the three sacred words, we haven't said it again. We both had reasons why and they were pretty similar: we were starting a new relationship instead of trying to merge the old and new together. It was a fresh start, persay. Trevor also learned that my father had died during my second year in college and didn't get to see me graduate. I had lived with him for those two years instead of my mom because he was closer to my school. After he died, I stayed in his house alone until the bills came in and moved back to my mom's. I also didn't get my lisence until I was twenty-one while he had his at eighteen. He also missed out on when I was a horseback rider for the years in between college and the move. My aunt had horses that I took care of to raise money and come out here. Trevor had just graduated college when I went in so I was doing that for six years. I also had my job at Wendy's for a year and a half but it was enough to help with college. He swears we need to go back and visit the family and go horseback riding but I know he also doesn't care for horses very much. Today, though, I was in the office while Trevor was doing the Ready Set Show Show with Jeremy. Fiona and the other had invited me to watch after my editing but I was just finishing up and they probably were too. Nonetheless I am going to try to make it to see the show live. I saved my files and sent them before quietly excusing myself and making my way to the set. I tap on the door and Fiona immediately opens it. She smiles and let's me in to allow me to see Trevor and Jeremy wearing fluffy afro wigs. They both glance at me and Trevor's smile gets bigger.

"Hello!" He says in a whisper-shout voice. "This is the Bob Ross painting class." Now the voice made sense. "Please. Take a seat." Jeremy laughs from beside him while I sit on the couch next to Sarah and Fiona.

"This is what you'll be editing next so listen for if they say they want something specific." Sarah whispers to me. I nod and continue watching. Jeremy begins explaining the video of Bob Ross to Trevor and I can see the confusion and panic in Trevor's face.

"Zoom in on his face right there." I whisper instinctively to Fiona. She must have approved of my advice because she laughed lightly when the camera focused on Trevor. She zoomed back out when the emotions left him and focused another camera on Jeremy. As the video progressed I found myself laughing to almost the point of tears at how idiotic everything was getting. Trevor's painting looks nothing like Bob's but more of a "you tried" keepsake. Seeing him getting into art again made me think back to when we shared an art class.

_"You know," Trevor speaks up from beside me, "you're not bad at art." I shrug shyly and laugh._

_"I'm not fantastic." I utter._

_"Even if not, it's still pretty good." I smile softly at him and place my drawing down on the table. It was decent, I'll admit that, but I know there was much more talent in the seniors in the room. Ms. Santos wondered the room and came to our table, seeing Trevor's, Alexander's, and Mario's art._

_"These are wonderful, guys!" She says before landing her eyes on mine. She gave a face and I immediately frowned._ _"What is that?"_

_"It's uh... It's an abstract person living in a normal world." I explain. She pulls my image closer to her and examines the misshapen colors standing out against a black and white symmetrical background._

_"Well your explanation helps, but this could be improved."  She said firmly. I felt my heart drop to my stomach and sighed when she walked away._

_"I think it looked great, Mar." Alex says from beside me. I give him a weak smile_

_"Thanks..." I whisper. "I'm better at computer class anyways."_

_"Hey, come on." Mario speaks up. "I think it looks good, too."_

_"She loved all of y'alls drawings and stuff." I point out. "Its okay. I just ain't that great at art like y'all."_

_"Comparing yourself to others is what makes you hate yourself." Trevor tells me calmly. I stare at him, unsure what to say. "Sure, we are all good at certain things, but for you saying you're not great at art that's a badass drawing." I smile more genuinely at his comment._

_"Thank you." My voice was low but it wasn't hurt like before._

_"Okay, everyone, time to start painting." Ms. Santos announces. I take a deep breath and nod. I could do this. I immediately go and grab my colors from the cabinet; I was going to do my drawing with more detail. I start painting and laying down my lines after applying the colors I wanted and where. I glance up and see Trevor staring at me as I push a strand of hair back behind my ear._

_"You good?" I ask to get his attention. He snaps his eyes to mine and smiles small._

_"You have paint on your cheek." I feel the wet paint drying already and shrug._

_"Oh well." At that, he smiles wider._

_"I'm glad you're not giving up." I grinned back at him and continued my painting._

I don't think Trevor has even realized I never gave up on myself because of him. He taught me strength and how to get what I want. I wanted to be happy with my painting that day and god dammit I was no matter what that art teacher said. I wanted to go and graduate from college with a computer science degree. I did after a moment of collecting myself without Trevor around. I wanted to have Trevor. Now, I do. I looked up at the man I was thinking of and smile lightly. He meets my eyes and beams graciously at me. My heart pounds for a second and I feel my neck hair standing up. Everything about this man drove me crazy. That smile, his comedy, his personality, and his looks have definitely got a hold on me. I love him to the ends of the earth. People might say we are crazy. They might say we're just friends in love with love. Honestly? I couldn't care less what others thought. I only saw us.

"So is Trevor your boyfriend or...?" I hear Fiona whisper to me. I don't look at her and just keep my eyes on Trevor.

"He's my boyfriend." I say proudly and confidently. Trevor turns and look at me with a different kind of fondness than before; It was more of awe and joy. Forget titles. They were just words. Then again, seeing Trevor's face when I called him my boyfriend was something else...

 

***

 

After work I had planned on going to Trevor's. That is, if I even finished work. It was four fifty and I wasn't even finished with my video. I was three fourths on the way done and I knew Trevor was going to be upset since he wanted to make dinner for us. He had a huge plan for dinner and was so excited when he talked about it...

"Alright." Michael says while standing and patting my shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow, Gavin Two." I nod and wave him off. The others began to follow him out the doorway. I bite my thumbnail and watch my video editing slow down for a moment.  _Please not now._ I think to myself. I let out my breath when it picks back up the frames it skipped.

"Hey." I glance up to Trevor. "You coming tonight?" His voice was hopeful and I sighed, avoiding his eyes. I didn't wanna see how upset he was.

"I can't." I whisper. "I have to finish-"

"I'll cover it tomorrow morning. Come on." Usually, I'd refuse, but I would much rather make Trevor happy and go to his special dinner plan tonight over miss a couple hours of work I can finish tomorrow. I grabbed my items and began walking with him to his car. Since I planned on coming over tonight I didn't bring my car and instead Trevor had picked me up. If I didn't get off work when he left I would have called a cab.

"So what's the secret plan for dinner?" I ask with a smirk. He shakes his head.

"I can't tell you or it's not a secret." I pout. "Oh stop it. Just know you'll love it, alright?" I sigh exasperatingly and give in as I slide into the front seat.

"If you say so." I tell him with a fake annoyance. He laughs gently and shuts my door before coming over to his own. The beginning of the ride is a comfortable silence and low volume music playing through the car. The sun was setting already and it was a beautiful sight.

"Hey." I glance up at Trevor's voice. "I wanted to tell you that I'm really excited you finally said boyfriend." I smile at his cute little face he was making. "Cause I've been holding back on calling you my girlfriend since day one."

"Well I would have been okay with it, but you would have had to understand that I didn't find the need for it or the right moment even."

"I know and I would have tried to be understanding. Really." I lean over and kiss him on the cheek right when we pull into his driveway.

"You're amazing." I whisper lightly he smirks over at me and shrugs.

"I try." I roll my eyes playfully and get out of the vehicle with him. We make it to the door and I wait patiently for him to unlock it. Once inside, I shimmy off my shoes and leave them by the door with my light sweater. The house felt comfortable and I was warm from the feeling. I turned around to Trevor while he removed his shoes as well.

"So are you gonna tell me yet?" He shakes his head. "Let me guess: I'm for dinner?" My voice turns deeper and more seductive and suddenly I can't help myself from getting into it. His face pales slightly and I can hear him swallow heavy. He let's put a nervous chuckle.

"While I would love that, no." He says with a deep breath. I snap my fingers and swipe my arm in the air.

"Damn." I say playfully. He laughs as I put my bag on the couch and my purse beside it, digging out fresh underwear and a sleep shirt since it was Friday and I was going to stay over. "I'm gonna shower." I announce. Trevor makes his way to the kitchen with a nod.

"I'll start dinner so it's done when you're out." I head to the bathroom and stare at the shower. It was sort of like mine but with an extra knob. After a moment I figured out how to work it, stripped, and hoped in. I tried to make my shower as thorough as possible in case Trevor did change his mind about having sex finally. I step out of the tub and grab the nearest towel, drying myself and wrapping my hair in it. I pull on the clean clothes and grab the old ones, taking them through the house and back into my bag. I spin and see Trevor already staring at me.

"What?" I ask with a small smirk of giddiness. I knew what he was staring at.

"Y-you took one of my shirts?" I look down at the "Derrick No" shirt I took from his closet the last time I came over. I shrug and wlk towards the kitchen with my ass barely covered.

"Yeah I did." I said nonchalantly. He huffs and shakes his head before turning off the stove and removing the pan from the top.

"Well damn do you look good in it." He obviously was holding back on me and I snickered.

"I think it'd look better on the floor but okay." Trevor comes to me and leans down to look me in the eye.

"I know what you're doing." He says lowly. "And it might be kind of working." I arch an eyebrow and lean over, gently touching his lips with mine.

"Good." I whisper against them. I pull back quickly and stare at him casually. "So dinner?" I ask as if nothing happened. He stares at me with his lips parted. It takes him a moment to recollect himself.

"Right." He spins back to the dishes on the counter. "I know how much you liked it when we were kids..." I furrow my brow until I stand and meet him at the counter top. I smile big when I see the dish laid out in front of us. It was pork chops with applesauce on the side and canned green beans with corn and mashed potatoes mixed together. "I really dislike the canned veggie stuff but I figured maybe I'd like it now that I'm older."

"Well you hate pickles so..."

"Okay but why do you want a pound of sodium in your bloodstream?"

"Okay, let's not argue and just eat." I take a seat with Trevor at the table and begin digging into my meal. I may not get sexual things tonight like I planned but that's okay. Trevor doesn't think it's time and I'm okay with just teasing him. Besides, the man cooked me a childhood meal. I owe him respect and kindness.


	11. Eleven

_My heart pounded as I booked it to Trevor's house. He called me crying and without explination I ran there. From my cousin's house; W_ _hich was much farther from his than mine. I pounded on the front door and Trevor's younger sister answered after a moment, obviously crying before she answered._

 _"Trevor called me and I ran over." I quickly say with my last available breath. My throat burned and my face was hot. Ramona shook as she wrapped me into a tight hug. Ramona was the older of the sisters, but still bout three years younger than Trevor. "I don't know what happened, but I am so sorry, Ramona..." She cries heavily into my shoulder before releasing me. I wiped at her tears and smiled lightly at her._   _"Can I head up?" She nods and thanks me quietly for the support. I rush up to Trevor's room and open the door as soon as I touch the handle. Seeing the sight I saw... I'll never forget it. Trevor was laying on his side in his bed, squeezing tightly to his pillow and visibly struggling to not scream. He looked absolutely shattered. I gathered myself and rushed to him, grabbing his body and shimmying it over to mine in a bear hug. Once I did, he broke completely. He squeezed me tightly and breathed heavily into my shoulder. I rested my head on the side of his while running a hand through his hair slowly. I twisted the locks in between my fingertips and shushed him when I felt he could take it. After about five minutes, he pulled back to look at me. His crying had slowed and his eyes were swollen with redness._

 _"Thank you." He whispered with a coarse voice. I nod and hug him tightly for only a moment before letting go._ _"You ran here?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"You didn't even know what happened... Also weren't you with Ana?" I shrug and sigh._

_"I don't need to know what happened. You were hurt and you needed me." I tell him. "Ana didn't mind. She understood the situation." He didn't seem convinced that Ana even knew I left. Which, to be honest, she didn't, but I didn't need Trevor feeling like I am getting in trouble because of him right now. "Are you okay?" I ask, trying to keep him busy and focused on me instead of whatever happened. He sighs shakily and nods._

_"As okay as I can be." I smile small and run another hand through his hair. I bring my limb back to my own hair and stare at the ceiling with Trevor._   _"Our grandpa died."  My eyes widened and I glanced to him._

_"Grandpa Roy?" He nods and I can see tears brimming his eyes again. I turn on my side and place a hand on his chest. "Hey, he's not suffering anymore, Trev..." I assure him. "He's with your grandma in spirit." Trevor knew I didn't believe in God and all that so I didn't say heaven. He would have known I was just saying it to make him feel better. I do believe in spirits and I think his grandparents were taking care of him now._

_"I know and they both are probably so happy, but it sucks, ya know?" He whimpers out the end of his sentence. "Like the last thing he told me was to pick a day to go fishing with him and I just... I never did."_

_"Don't think about what you last said to him." I command. "Just don't. It will make it worse. Think about what you said to him that you don't regret. The 'I love you's, 'I miss you's, or even 'Hi Grandpa'. You know those are the words he appreciated more than anything else." He nods and sighs again._

_"I'm aware of what makes it worse. I guess I just feel guilty about it."_

_"And why should you?"_

_"Because I didn't go fishing with him." He says with a confused face._

_"And?" He stares at me. "Trevor, you don't owe anybody anything. Dead or not, you still don't. You have a life to live, too. I know I sound like a bitch right now because it's your Grandpa, but... You don't need to live your life for other people."  He seems in shock at me and I know it's because of how inappropriate the time was to hear it. "I'm sorry, I just-"_

_"No, no... You're right." He says, cutting me off. "I don't owe anyone anything. I do have my own life." He takes a couple deep breaths and clears his throat. "Marley, I have to tell you something..." My stomach and heart collided and I wasn't sure what to think. What could he possibly say?_

_"Y-yes?" I ask, trying to not sound like I was internally screaming._

_"I want to go to college." He finally says. I furrow my brow as my heartbeat returns to normal._

_"Weren't you already going for Mechanical?"_

_"That's what my parents want, but honestly, I want to go for Aerospace Engineering." I was taken aback by his choice. "My Grandpa always tried to encourage me into doing it, but I wanted to make my parents proud."_

_"Trevor, you should really do it!" I admit. "Your parents will be proud of you no matter what." He smiles wide and tackles me back onto the bed in a hug. I cackle out at the gesture._

_"You're so amazing." He says into the mattress. I shrug with another short giggle._

_"I know." He pulls back and looks at me. He looked so much better than when I first got here._

_"Come on, let's go see how Ramona and Sarah are doing." I nod in agreement and follow him down the stairs to his sisters in the living room._

 A lot of times get me going with these memories. I just wish it wasn't like this. I didn't want to think of this right now. I stared at the screen in front of me at work, unsure how to feel or what to say.

"Are you still there?" I hear my Aunt Sharon ask. I clear my throat and nod.

"Y-yeah. I am."

"Now I know we all had our differences with her, but I think you should come back here until after the funeral." I furrow my eyebrows.

"I never had any differences with her. You did." I quickly and quietly argue. I didn't mean to snap so harshly but my brain was just running on panic and grief now. It was starting to hit me.

"Please, Marley..."

"I can't take that many days off work." I try to tell her but my throat is tight. I began feeling eyes on me and stood quickly to exit the room. "I know I have to, but I cant just get up and come right now."

"This is Grace we are talking about."

"You think I don't know that?" I almost yell. "She's my fucking mother."

"Well she's my sister!"

"You have two other sisters but I only have one mother." She cuts to silence on the end of her line. "I'll come when I can. As much as I don't want you to be there, I'll see you at the funeral." I hung up the phone before she could get in another word. My mom's family hated her. She hated her because of my brother's death, because of the divorce, and because of me. They thought being around Trevor made me a whore and that my mother raised me wrong. My heart raced and I looked at my hands. They were shaking in the blur of my eyes. I couldn't catch my breath and my hands went immediately to my hair. What was happening? My chest heaved and I felt myself hit the wall harshly. I slid down it and could hear myself trying hard to breathe but I couldn't. My tears left cold and hot streaks on my cheeks and chin before they hit my legs. I could hear a clunk beside me and see out of my peripheral view the door open to the office. Michael's echoing voice freaked me out, making me close my eyes. I tried focusing but the panic was settling harder. _My mom. I lost her. I've lost my mom. She was supposed to be here in two weeks. I've lost her._ My mind kept stabbing me with thoughts. This couldn't be happening... I nearly screamed when arms came around me. I didn't see who it was, the touch comforting me in this awful moment. They were shushing me, petting my hair and rubbing my arm. My mind began to calm but my breathing wasn't budging. When the person holding me noticed, they pulled themselves in front of me with a hand on each shoulder. I looked up and tried to focus to see that it was Trevor.

"Breathe." His words were at a whisper. "Marley, breathe." The more he said the word it was louder. It was the only thing in my brain.

 _Breathe_.

I tried to follow what I was told and stopped breathing all together to restart. After a couple attempts I finally controlled my breathing. My vision cleared and my body wasn't shaking. I looked up to Trevor as he just stared at me calmly, waiting for my relaxed face to appear.

"Thank you." I whisper weakly. He nods and wraps me into a tight hug. "Trevor..." He pulled back to look at me.

"Yes?"

"We have to-" I caught my words in my throat. "I have to go back home." He didn't need to go anywhere.

"What happened?" His words almost made me vomit from fear and sadness as they brought back what happened.

"My mom."

"Is she sick?" I shake my head and put my hand over my mouth. I breathed deeply to avoid crying again. "Oh my god..." He says, realizing what I meant. He falls to his ass and stares at me in shock. "Grace..." He couldn't manage any words as he just put his hand over his mouth.

"I have to take off work." I remind him. "It wont be for another few days so don't worry-"

"No you need to go now." Trevor finally says to me. "Sharon, Amanda, and Becca will claim anything you don't." I nod, knowing well enough they were gonna be spiteful and take all her stuff just to sell it. Hopefully my mom left a will. My adult mind was taking over and trying to find ways to get there and work with what I have while my regular brain was a mess and still crying.

"I don't have anymore sick hours nor do I have vacation days yet."

"Its a family emergency." Trevor reminds me. "We can use whatever time we need."

"We?" I question, catching what he said.

"You aren't expecting to go alone, are you?" I shrugged and rubbed the back of my neck.

"I was, yeah."

"Grace was like a second mother to me." He points out. "Even if we weren't dating, I would go for her." I smiled lightly with years in my eyes at Trevor. After a moment, I remembered we were on the floor in the middle of the hallway, looking like messes as I had obviously broken down. I sighed and rested my head against the wall.

"I don't want to go home." I whisper. "If I'm alone I'll break." He sighs heavily.

"Maybe you should break." He admits. I look up at him. "Breaking for a thing like this understandable. Hell, I would have just gotten up and left. You being here and talking to me is the strongest thing I've seen anyone do." I listen carefully to his words. "You've lost your mom, Marley. I think you deserve to go home and take the rest of the day off." I give in finally and nod.

"You're right..." Trevor smiles half with pity and have with awe as he pulls me up with him from the ground. I wrap him into a tight hug and just settle there, taking in his warmth to help me heal. I almost said it. The three words we were putting off. I knew I loved him. Trevor was right, though. This is new. I can't go based off of best-friend-Trevor. I have to go off of Boyfriend-Trevor. Right now, he was both. That's when I realized: I couldn't ruin this.

 

***

 

I had gotten home alright and just fell to the carpet crying. Liz came to check on me after she got home from work, but I couldn't face her like this. She immediately thought Trevor did something, but once I reassured her he didn't, she was more relaxed. I finally had picked myself up off the floor to at least make it to my bed. I was holding my phone tightly in my hand as my face distorted and my eyes watered up. I was looking at the last texts I had sent, last phone calls I had made, and last photos with my mom. I even looked at her Facebook and saw all the Old Mom memes she enjoyed. I took her for granted. She was the best thing in my life and now she's gone. She did so much for me. She helped me get out here and start my career, she was understanding about all my problems, I always vented to her... All that is gone. Just like that- gone. This just... sucks. That's all I can say. It fucking sucks. How else do I describe it? I can't. As I scrolled through her Facebook I could see all the people who she was really good friends with online wishing her well and saying she is an angel now. It was so heartwarming to see she had made so many friends. The fact they all wished her a better life in her second than she had in her first made me feel better. It meant that she did have a second chance and she could do whatever the hell she wanted to do. I took deep breaths and heard the door to the condo open and close quietly.

"Marley?" I could hear Trevor's voice call out.

"In here." My voice was clogged and rough. Trevor had told me he was going to come over after work. I left the door unlocked for that reason. "Hey." I greet weakly when he reaches the door. He sighs when he sees me and rests his shoulder against the door frame. It takes him a moment to come over to me. He stops at the side of the bed and just looks at me for a moment.

"Move over." He commands softly. I scoot backwards on the mattress. He crawls into the bed next to me and immediately pulls me into a hug. Surprisingly, I don't burst into tears. Maybe all my crying was over, but I knew it was just my mind accepting it has grief in it. Trevor's thumb makes small circle on my back as he holds me tightly. His soothing touch was all I needed to relax for even a moment.

"How was work?" My throat sounded worse even after I cleared it, but I needed to change the subject for now.

"Well, after you left we played a bit of Minecraft to try and get the hundred and four achievements still." He explains. "Then at lunch Barbara and Lindsay rehearsed a scene for RWBY in a live-action way and Barb fell and almost broke her elbow. After all that mess Larry was asking for you and I had told him what happened. He said to take as long as you need since technically, he's your boss, not me. In between now and then, though, it was just the gang being wacky like always." I smiled small and took a deep breath.

"Thank you." He doesn't say a word but instead kisses me atop the head. The kiss sent a warm feeling through my body and sent a static zing out of my toes. I couldn't help but still feel giddy around Trevor. Ge was something different... Even when we were friends and I was unaware I was in love with him he was a different kind of connection. All my friends and small time boyfriends didn't come close to making me feel the way I did from just one touch of his. I pulled my body backwards to face him eye to eye.

"I love you." I say with full confidence. "I know you said it wasn't time, but fuck... I really fucking love you, Trevor." The look in his eyes was a mix. It looked like awe, glee, shock... Maybe even fear. Finally after a moment he let's go of the breath he held.

"I love you, too, Marley." My throat caught and I almost cried out of happiness. Instead, I placed a firm kiss upon his lips with a smile cracking it slightly. He returns the gesture and smiles into his side as well. When we pull away, I can feel my face reddening.

"You're so amazing." He smiles wider and pulls me back in close to hug me a little bit different than before. His arms were low and caught on my hips with my own in his chest. His legs enveloped mine in a soft but protective stance. I couldn't think of a better way to fall asleep than like this.


	12. Twelve

I woke up in my old bedroom in Indianapolis, immediately uncomfortable. It was a nightmare to stay in my old home without my mom in it. I never stayed in the house a night by myself. I was used to waking up to the sound of her clinking dishes quietly downstairs while making breakfast just like I was used to the laughter that the television would fill the house with at night when she would fall asleep on the couch; I was used to not being this alone. My hips were tightened into a lock when I attempted to move and I rolled over to see Trevor hugging me tightly in his sleep. I wasn't alone. I had Trevor with me. He was my rock in this situation and I couldn't help but smile at the fact. The sunlight came through the dusty window's blinds and gave a glowing effect to Trevor's skin and hair. I lightly placed my hand on his locks and saw the light transfer from his hair to the back of my hand. At my touch he frowned and pulled his face into my neck to avoid any more disturbances. I took that moment to think to myself again. Today was the funeral. Yesterday I had claimed nearly all of my mother's belongings, leaving the trashy items to my aunts. Since I was the only surviving child she had I got first picks. I called the house, planning on selling it to avoid my aunts making a profit off my mother when they didn't even deserve a dust mite from her. When I took the house, I also claimed everything in it. Of course, I was planning on keeping the important items like childhood memorabilia or my mother's favorites. I had already rented out a storage unit out in Austin for the extra until I could find buyers or places for the items. As my thoughts when on, I felt Trevor stirring beside me.

"Hi." He sleepily whispers into my cheek and neck. It tickled slightly but I tried not to scrunch up my head into my neck like a turtle and avoid hurting his face. I smiled down at him and kissed his nose.

"Hi." I return. Trevor pulls from me and stretches wide before resting his arm around me loosely.

"Have you decided what to do about the house?" I sigh and shrug.

"I don't know. Sell it?"

"Why not rent it out?" He suggests with a yawn. I ponder on the thought. "I mean, it will mean the house is still yours and that you can make profit from it." I nod and kiss his forehead gently.

"I'll think about it, thank you." He smiles small and hugs me close again. "No, we have to get up and get ready for the funeral." My heart grew heavy at the thought but as soon as I saw Trevor look up at me I felt the weight lighten. He gets up from the bed, me following in pursuit, and goes to the suitcases in front of the window. I watched carefully as he pulled out a folded suit in plastic, neatly placing it on the bed to fold it out and make sure there are no wrinkles. He next removes a pair of dress shoes and socks with a neck tie to follow. Watching him pull out this special occasion suit made me realize holy shit... Mom is dead. My eyes blurred and I tightened my throat to hold them down. Trevor glances up to me and saw my stare focused on the suit with the tears in my eyes. He immediately came to me and sat down.

"Hey..." I slowly turn to him. "It's going to be alright." He promises. I sigh and nod, moving a hand to wipe my tears.

"I know it will be. It just... sucks." When it came to talking about the situation at hand, I had no other words to use. I really couldn't describe it any other way and that's what is really annoying about it because if I say it that way, it sounds petty and like I don't truly care. In reality, I wanted to cry for a week straight and lay in bed until I die. Trevor thankfully understood and nodded while wrapping around me. "I can't do this today..." I whisper. My fingers tighten on Trevor's shirt as I hold back a sob.

"I know it's hard, but you gotta believe it'll be okay. Once the funeral is over, the hardest part is passed. You're going to miss her. Always. You have to trust me when I say it will be a struggle but you'll survive. Losing your parents is always awful and a huge fear for everyone. Don't stop living for them." His mini speech made my heart kick my ribcage and a smile creep it's way up from the dark abyss I felt. "Now come on and let's get ready."

-

"My mom was a different species." I start my speech with. "She cared for others like no real human could. Her smile could light up a world that was drowning in darkness." As I glanced over the crowd at family who had abandoned her and friends who loved her, I stopped. "I'm not gonna stand up here and tell you what an amazing person she was." I decide. "Cause if you really knew and loved her like I did, you'd already know. She was one hell of a mom and she most definitely had her faults, but the key there is trying. She did her best for me. There wasn't one time where I went hungry or unclothed because of how hard she worked. If you could ever hate a woman for doing her best for her family you are the cruelest out there." My eyes landed on Trevor and I could see him worrying that I was going to say something stupid or regretful. I toned down my attitude andsighed before closing my eyes. When I opened them I focused ahead of me. "Right now, no one else matters. What matters is that my only mother is gone. She isn't going to come back if I'm filled with hatred or regret. I know she wants me happy. Because of her being in my life, I always will be." When I finished my speech I gave a satisfied breath and stepped down to join Trevor and his family. While Trevor was giving my hand a tight squeeze, everyone else was whispering and I was sure it was about me. I mean, it was obvious I was being sour about certain people even showing their faces at this funeral when they didn't appear for half of my mom's life. Next to stand at the podium was Trevor's mother. She gave me sorrow filled eyes but then cleared her throat to speak.

"Never did Rebecca Kyle ask anyone for anything." Even the first line hitches her voice. "Never did she ask for me to pick up Marley when she was running behind at work, nor did she ever block Trevor from going to see his best friend. She never even asked for a cup of sugar." Mrs. Collins laughed for a moment as if reminiscing. "I have a heavy heart for her daughter, Marley, since I know that she is the only family that cared for her since her divorce and even a bit before then." There was a scoff from a couple of people in the crowd and I could see my aunts bickering to each other. Trevor gripped tightly to my hand again, making me look at him. He was staring at his mother in awe. It's disrespectful to make scenes at funerals, but I know my mother saw death as a "gathering of the unwanted" since people who never cared for you act like they always did once you pass. "I saw Rebecca as my own sister. Hell, we sure did act like we were related." Mrs. Collins continued her speech as I stared at the casket behind her. My mother was in there. She was dead, but I knew she was with me. Even when she was alive, she was with me without needing to be physically near me. Everything she taught me will stick with me forever. That's how I know she will always be with me. Thinking back, I was remembering the first time she met Trevor officially.

_I opened the door to the car before hopping in next to my mom. I waved at Trevor through the window as I buckled._

_"Who's that?" My mom questions. "Your boyfriend?" There was teasing in her voice._

_"Mom, I'm only ten. I don't have a boyfriend."_   _I roll my eyes as she laughs lightly. "Anyways, that's Trevor. He lives down the street from us."_

 _"Oh! The Collins?" I nod. My mom still hadn't driven away. She points to the manual crank for the window on my side. I shrug and roll it down._   _"Hey!" My mom shouts. I go wide eyed. Trevor looks up at us. "Do you want a ride home? Your parents usually work late, right?" Trevor nods and rolls his shoulders._

_"I can just walk home like usual. Thank you, though, ma'am."_

_"Trevor, I'd suggest accepting the ride." I sigh out. "My mom is pushy." My mom doesn't argue as she knows I am right. Trevor nods again and comes to the car, opening the back door and sliding in. Once Trevor is buckled, my mom drives towards our homes._

_"So how long have you two been friends?" There goes the question roulette. My mom loved playing it._

_"Since first grade." I quickly fill in._

_"Really?" She asks, shocked. "So four years and I'm just now formally meeting him?"_

_"You've hung out with his mom a lot."_

_"Yeah but kids aren't always like their parents." She defends. Trevor chuckles from the back seat._

_"People say my sisters and I are more alike than us to our parents all the time so no worries." My mom smirked at me as I rolled my eyes with a slight playful type of grin. "Marley has told me all about you. She says you like to make clay items?" My mom nods. "Can I pay you to have you to make my mom and dad something for their anniversary?"_

_"You have money?" My mom asked surprised._

_"Yes ma'am. I get a monthly allowance of fifty dollars for lunch and stuff." He answers._

_"Then save that for what you need and I'll make it for free." My mom arrives at Trevor's after flipping a mid-street U._

_"Thank you for the ride." Trevor says as he hops out of the vehicle. "See you at school Marley!" As soon as he reaches the door, my mom looks at me._

_"I like him." Little did my mom know that I liked him, too._


End file.
